Where Addiction Meets Your Brain

The Neurobiology of Addiction

Addiction and Projective Identification

I like to think of it, projective identification, as an attempt by the person one is working with to inject you with a hypodermic and give you some of their soul whether you want it or not. Read More

SWoul Search.

Hello all I have been a substance abuser for 30+ years. (Had Been) I am clean and still in treatment. 'Suboxone' how long will I be on this medication? God only knows answer to that.
See I started using at age 13 and I went from there! As years passed I kept using and stepping up to harder and more drugs.
I knew for i would say 10 years I know longer wanted that life style yet I could not stop!!! It was and still is very confusing to me.
I hurt deep, I also hurt many people around me. But here is my input on how come I kept using, And that was my emotions I never used them prior well not sober anyways. Everyday I had to feel numb to suppress so much!!!
And when I finally did stop using to excess I could not keep it together. I started having problems working, memory ocd issues and I could just keep going on.
so part of a addicts problem as Iv experienced is emotions we don't know how to express when you have used since child hood.
I am so lost even today. I can answer my own questions most of time. But the part I don't get yet is why did I cover them for so long I was raised in good family I had always worked. I raised twins and yet this.
breakdown why? Everyone including myself wanted me to be clean! And I could not stop. I do know methadone is where I began to really go overboard. You go t clinic start out at 30 mgs a day up 5 till 100 then check then to 150 check then 180. 220 was my daily dosage. I think back and well I can't remeber almost 4 years of life there. Should only be used as short term detox not long term maintenance. That is all they are is legal dope dealers who really from my experience don't care about you. Just paying for weeks dosages.
I was on methadone almost 12 years total and I get it why should anyone stop when getting a nice high from it!!!! I had that mind set til something changed within me I no longer wanted to be high. And i have achieved what I wanted to. Still i have so much inside me I have such anxiety that i sleep only 3 maybe 4 hours a night.
I don't know life without drugs.
Has anyone experienced this loss. When getting sober? like said I am not angry just so confused why I can not keep focus I forget so much. I lost my job and I was clean, due to mistakes. I am certified arborest!I went to school to become and yet I am so lost still. My drug history is clearly documented I do not have any criminal record from. But was released from navy back in 1987 for. Shame of that is still in me CRAZY or not?
Jim
P.S I ghope I made sense.

30+ years & projective identification

Trying to put this together; Submitted by Bean, writing, signed by Jim. In response to a/an blog/article about projective identification written by JTroncale, M.D.
Very hesitant to continue. My E-mail is kept private.?.?.? Does that mean whomever will not look up my IP address and search for more info about me, who I am, who I say I am, etc.?
About me: I have been using for about 35 years. Jim, you were on methadone for 12 years and each day you got high on it? I got high on it for less than a week. I guess if you/me kept upping the dose you/me would feel something? I've never heard of increasing a dose by 50mgs? 10 at a time, sometimes 20 is what the clinic I went to practiced. The other way(meaning people coming off), the dose was decreased 10mgs a week if you were at a high level. Then it would start with 1mg a day. Thinking about that it sure does sound like a way to continue collecting money. Private clinics go faster than that.
If I did not start using methadone I'm about 90% positive I would be dead or at the best, in jail.
Projective Identification: from what I have read, only today, it sounds like it would be fairly dangerous for the therapist, or person taking in the subjects negative feelings/place in time/experience etc. I struggle with guilt & negative feelings every day. I've tried sober living and my experiences were damn near identical to Jims'. So I stay on a manageable amount of medication. I don't want to be a dry drunk & I don't want to waste part of my life living at AA meetings listening to how well someone has memorized a book. I thought that was what church was for?

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Joseph Troncale, M.D. FASAM, has been working in addiction medicine for 20 years. He is the Medical Director of the Retreat.
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