What's Your Sexual Style?

How a couple can share desire, pleasure, and satisfaction.

What Happens to Sexual Desire in an Egalitarian Marriage?

Emphasizing an egalitarian bond, reducing traditional gender roles, and focusing on emotional problem-solving to foster a shared intimate relationship is a healthy marital trend. For most couples, this results in greater marital satisfaction and security. The question is whether an intimate, egalitarian marriage promotes or subverts couple sexuality? Read More

Sounds Familiar

My wifes works like this. If a sexual encounter can't be 100% mutual, it won't happen. The idea of one of us doing something just for the other's benefit can't even be discussed. Orgasms are doled out "one for you, one for me" etc. If an encounter ends without an orgasm for her, she complains bitterly. On the other hand, the idea of her working with me to improve the experience for her is a no go. Apparently she's such a sexual dynamo, all she has to do is turn up and it should be wonderful with no additional effort or input. And if it doesn't work that way, it's got absolutely nothing to do with her and she bears no fault

Orgasm power struggles

power struggles are desructive for the man, woman, and couple and it sounds like you and your wife are in a destructive power struggle about perfect sexual performance. Rather than sharing pleasure and energizing your marital bond it sounds like you have a functional sexual relationship, but lacking in empathy, vitality, and satisfaction. I suggest showing her mthis post and consulting a credentialed couple sex therpist who can help you comminicate and function as intimate and erotic allies

To her, this post is one

To her, this post is one stage short of pornography, and to suggest that WE (as opposed to I) need to do something is not an acceptable conclusion. It may be the truth, but it is not the "right answer". And certainly, discussing this with any third party is not something she is prepared to contemplate.

To her, sex is not about satisfaction or vitality, but about checks and balances, obligation and control.

Yes, I totally agree!

Sometimes the trick is for a couple to realize that their sexual style and fantasies don't have to be politically correct and align with how they live their lives otherwise.


TIE HER UP AND FUCK THE SHIT OUR OF HER!!!!! Use her like the fuck toy she is.....she'll get over it! When she complains, do it again! Most women don't understand the power of submission.... pop psych & womens lib has all but destroyed both sexes. Spank her till she cries & tell her "I’m your daddy now" hahahahaha....works for me. History has been this way, only until the last 100 years have things gone backasswards....

Sad that your relationship is so alienated

The heavy role of couple sexuality is to energize your bond. It's sad that that's not true for your relationship

Anger and domination do not work for the majority of couples

Bluntly, what you are suggesting will be destructive for most couples-anger is not a sexual aphrodisiac for most couples and most women. Your experience does show that "sexually one size never fits all"-so if it works for your relationship that's fine, but it's destructive advice for most women and most couples.
What is true is that a common theme for sexual fantasies is domination and submission, including forced sex. However, erotic fantasy and real life couple sexual scenarios are very different realms. Being politically correct and sexually tentative is anti-erotic, but coercion and violent sex is a turn-off for an intimate sexual relationship


Perhaps I should've prefaced my post with "always communicate beforehand" ....I mean, I gently caress my wife’s ass after it's all red from a spanking...I cuddle her after she breaks down... This treatment was her idea. She is smart enough to know..."Being politically correct and sexually tentative is anti-erotic" we love our caveman sex life!!!

Differnt strokes for different folks

The challenge for married and partnered couples is to integrate intimacy and eroticism into their relationship. You have a non-typical way of doing so focused on spanking as an erotic charge with intimacy/cuddling afterward. As long as it meets both of your sexual needs you can count yourselves lucky

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Barry W. McCarthy, Ph.D., is a tenured professor of psychology at American University and a best-selling author.


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