What's Your Sexual Style?

How a couple can share desire, pleasure, and satisfaction.

What Happens to Sexual Desire in an Egalitarian Marriage?

Emphasizing an egalitarian bond, reducing traditional gender roles, and focusing on emotional problem-solving to foster a shared intimate relationship is a healthy marital trend. For most couples, this results in greater marital satisfaction and security. The question is whether an intimate, egalitarian marriage promotes or subverts couple sexuality? Read More

Sounds Familiar

My wifes works like this. If a sexual encounter can't be 100% mutual, it won't happen. The idea of one of us doing something just for the other's benefit can't even be discussed. Orgasms are doled out "one for you, one for me" etc. If an encounter ends without an orgasm for her, she complains bitterly. On the other hand, the idea of her working with me to improve the experience for her is a no go. Apparently she's such a sexual dynamo, all she has to do is turn up and it should be wonderful with no additional effort or input. And if it doesn't work that way, it's got absolutely nothing to do with her and she bears no fault

Orgasm power struggles

power struggles are desructive for the man, woman, and couple and it sounds like you and your wife are in a destructive power struggle about perfect sexual performance. Rather than sharing pleasure and energizing your marital bond it sounds like you have a functional sexual relationship, but lacking in empathy, vitality, and satisfaction. I suggest showing her mthis post and consulting a credentialed couple sex therpist who can help you comminicate and function as intimate and erotic allies

To her, this post is one

To her, this post is one stage short of pornography, and to suggest that WE (as opposed to I) need to do something is not an acceptable conclusion. It may be the truth, but it is not the "right answer". And certainly, discussing this with any third party is not something she is prepared to contemplate.

To her, sex is not about satisfaction or vitality, but about checks and balances, obligation and control.

Yes, I totally agree!

Sometimes the trick is for a couple to realize that their sexual style and fantasies don't have to be politically correct and align with how they live their lives otherwise.


TIE HER UP AND FUCK THE SHIT OUR OF HER!!!!! Use her like the fuck toy she is.....she'll get over it! When she complains, do it again! Most women don't understand the power of submission.... pop psych & womens lib has all but destroyed both sexes. Spank her till she cries & tell her "I’m your daddy now" hahahahaha....works for me. History has been this way, only until the last 100 years have things gone backasswards....

Sad that your relationship is so alienated

The heavy role of couple sexuality is to energize your bond. It's sad that that's not true for your relationship

Anger and domination do not work for the majority of couples

Bluntly, what you are suggesting will be destructive for most couples-anger is not a sexual aphrodisiac for most couples and most women. Your experience does show that "sexually one size never fits all"-so if it works for your relationship that's fine, but it's destructive advice for most women and most couples.
What is true is that a common theme for sexual fantasies is domination and submission, including forced sex. However, erotic fantasy and real life couple sexual scenarios are very different realms. Being politically correct and sexually tentative is anti-erotic, but coercion and violent sex is a turn-off for an intimate sexual relationship


Perhaps I should've prefaced my post with "always communicate beforehand" ....I mean, I gently caress my wife’s ass after it's all red from a spanking...I cuddle her after she breaks down... This treatment was her idea. She is smart enough to know..."Being politically correct and sexually tentative is anti-erotic" we love our caveman sex life!!!

Differnt strokes for different folks

The challenge for married and partnered couples is to integrate intimacy and eroticism into their relationship. You have a non-typical way of doing so focused on spanking as an erotic charge with intimacy/cuddling afterward. As long as it meets both of your sexual needs you can count yourselves lucky

sun light woman of powers

my name is vicky from uk since the past 8yrs i have
been doing a business which i wanted to florish, at
a paticular time i was making profit from but at a
at time i also loss more, my business was trumbling
because i wanted more i went to the bank to get a loan
200,000 dollars which i invested on my business 2weeks
later robbers bust in my store and they took almost
everything i have. and they burnt some part of the
store that was 10,jan,2014 a partner called me that
my store has been set ablaze at first i thought it's
was a joke i decided to go work when i got there seeing
my store burning so i just fainted since then past how
many months i have been suffering MY STORE WAS LOCK DOWN
i was about to chat on facebook to my friend to help for some
job to gather some money so i can pay the bank. behold just
as i was browsing network wasn't responding and i was redirected
so voy-forum there i saw a comment posted by wallace how he face
was about to get a loan online and get scammed that it was a man
he saw helped him recover all his dept i scroll down i saw his mail
and number. sunlightspell@gmail.com i contacted behold it was a female
and i explain everything to her with tears,she just told me calm down
and wipe your tears because if you obey you are paying all your dept in
12hrs of time, i said how, she told me told some money for items and i
have no money and i went to borrow from my pals, i send it to her 2hrs
later she mail me and told me send me your address i did and she tell me
that someone is coming to me i said how she told me to go out of my house
and i did i was going out from my house and was going i did not seeing any
body just as i was about going home i met a man like a mad person he said
help me please i never wanted but my mind told me help and just as i was
about to carry his load for him he disappeared and i was afraid i ran on my
way running i heard a voice saying STOP RUNNING AND GET BACK TO TAKE YOUR
REQUEST so i went though i was still very afraid i opened the bag behold
brethren i was loaded with money dollars i screamed!!! i quickly run home
i hide myself that day i couldn't do anything because many things was coming
my mind. the next day i want to the bank with the money i paid the bank i was
still having up to 600,0000 dollars i opened another big store my store is the most
biggest in our community in uk and i was still having a big money left which i save
in the bank. and today i am a rich woman and my childre shall never suffer again.
i want to tell you deptor a secret land of herbs is where you should go to recover all
what you've lost yes she will request for money but it is to do your needs and do it
perfectly she never lied great land of herbs i thank you very much for my life you've
indeed save my life. so readers if your have any problems at all don't let this time
of your opportunity pass you by. contact sunlightspell@gmail.com or call +2347056105308
she is a goddess sent to save life so don't doubt her because her charms is no prediction
once again i thank you priestess of life..

This is not right

Egalitarian marriages have MORE sex - IMHO. And mutually, loving sex. Sex is an expression of love, and love should be mutual. In Complementian marriages, surveys I have read, state that the wives feel 'used'. That sex is all about 'his needs' and she is doomed to 'submit'.

I have an egalitarian marriage and I'm getting all the love making I can handle. The more you give in a relationship, the better it is. When you try to boil sex down to 'orgasms' - that's where you go wrong in your thinking. Sex is so much more.

I think it's right.

My fiance and I treat each other in an egalitarian way outside the bedroom, as equals, not clones. Behind closed doors, it's much more like the article describes, we're sexual allies, and things do not have to be quid-pro-quo.

I don't know why wives should feel "used" in your surveys. I don't feel used when I'm tasked with killing a bug, taking out the trash, or reaching something on a high shelf. We each bring a different set of skills and abilities to the relationship, and we do many things for each other. I just asked, she answered "Of course I don't feel used, I can say no. But I like giving myself to you."

Of course, in all aspects of our relationship I make her feel loved and cherished.


Glad that your sexual style and marriage are working so well. Yes, sex is much more than number of orgasms-the role of couple sexuality is to energize your marital bond and allow you to feel desire and desirable

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Barry W. McCarthy, Ph.D., is a tenured professor of psychology at American University and a best-selling author.


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