What Do I Do Now?

Learning how to live a fulfilling life after the loss of a partner.


Grieving at the Holiday.

For those of us who are grieving a loss, holidays are the most difficult of times. The upcoming holiday, Thanksgiving, celebrates gratitude for the bounty we have. But, you may be thinking: What do I have to be grateful for? I've lost the love of my life. I will never be the same. My life is in a big black hole. The usual anticipation of the Thanksgiving meal, with friends and family around a bountiful table, a turkey, dishes of our favorite foods, pies, cakes, is not remotely possible.

If the terrible pain of loss makes it impossible for you to be cheered; if you just want to be alone, either because you cannot imagine listening to all the laughter when you cry all the time, or to be around people, even those you love, when the person you love most will be missing, then follow your heart. Do what you wish to do and not what someone tells you would be the ‘right' thing to do. If you want to be alone, then be alone. But if you think there may be a few people you would feel comfortable sharing this holiday with, invite them to your home or go to theirs. Have compassion for yourself and don't put yourself into a situation you don't want to be in.

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I invite you to read my blog; Alone at the Holidays to see if there is anything there for you at this moment in time. But, please remember this: if you can do nothing but sit still and mourn at this holiday time, then you will be in the company of millions of others who are feeling as you are. So in our aloneness we are still together.

I'll be thinking of you.

Sheila Weinstein, writer and pianist, reinvented her life after the death of her husband of 50 years, which led to her book, Moving to the Center of the Bed.


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