Web of Loneliness

New thinking about a chronic state of being

Functional Loneliness

Functional loneliness occurs for individuals who have found somewhat effective ways to cope with their loneliness. Unlike individuals that may have overwhelming feelings of loneliness, people with functional loneliness are able to successfully suppress their feelings without having to deal with it directly. Read More

I have tried to make the loneliness go away my entire life

It does not matter how much you welcome and invite people into your life if they don't care.
This post is cruel. You assume resolving loneliness is simple, it is not. We have tried for decades to connect with people, to make friends, to share life with others. Nothing works. At 37, I have no intimate friends, only aquaintances too busy to be more. Being a woman with Asperger syndrome doesn't help.
I am SO sick of hearing that this loneliness is all my fault, despite all my efforts. I am SICK of being told to just "get out there" and my loneliness will go away. Like HELL. No one wants me in their lives, or to be in mine.

Your advice is uninformed.

"No one wants me in their

"No one wants me in their lives, or to be in mine"
I will ask you than, "Who's life do YOU want to be in"
That answer will make you well and get you out of hell.

When I make attempts at friendship, isn't that showing interest?

Isn't that wanting to be in someone's life? When you want to be a friend & be in their life?

When I make attempts at friendship, isn't that showing interest?

Isn't that wanting to be in someone's life? When you want to be a friend & be in their life?

When I make attempts at friendship, isn't that showing interest?

Isn't that wanting to be in someone's life? When you want to be a friend & be in their life?

loneliness is difficult to change

I'm sorry you feel that way about the post. There is no assumption that loneliness is easy to resolve, in fact, quite the opposite. It is because we often don't want to face the very difficult circumstances underlying our feelings of loneliness that some of us resort to having a functional loneliness. Loneliness is not all anyone's fault and I know just "getting out there" will not make loneliness go away. Again, if you are chronically lonely, there are deep, underlying causes of loneliness that need to be addressed before "getting out there" is going to be effective to any degree. The path out of loneliness is a long, difficult one, and the question the posts asks, are we ready to take that path or remain with our functional loneliness?

I do not know what path you are talking about

If you mean therapy, I have tried that many times. Therapy does not make sense to me. What path are you referring to?

What is the path out of loneliness?

You mention a long, difficult path out of loneliness. I am ready to take that path, whatever it is. Please contact me so I can know and begin this path, because I don't know how it starts.

Pick up your cross

It's Easter so I am going to say

Pick up your cross and walk with it.

The cross that does not beg, does not take, does not weep.

The cross that carries it's own, alone, fearlessly.
The cross that bares the burden but does not gloat.

Pick up your cross and walk with it.

The cross that helps others, that weeps for others, that prays for others.
The cross that binds you to the task, blinds you to doubt.

Pick up your cross and walk with it.

Preaching to the Hungry to Feed Themselves

The main point of this article seems to be that people living with chronic, if functional, loneliness need to address their need for intimacy if they want to have a complete life.

The problem with this is that it is impossible to address your own need for intimacy. Only another person can do that, and we have no control over other people.

Functional loneliness is a more desirable state than non-functional loneliness. Achieving functional loneliness is something you can teach people. You can't teach people to not be lonely.

I think there is a beautiful

I think there is a beautiful quiet strength in "functional loneliness " Would it not be considered a logical step on a path towards finding a person/people to connect with?

Loneliness?

I find this article confusing. I see so many socially skilled people avoid their underlying issues by cluttering up their time and homes with an abundance of commitments, shallow 'transactional' relationships, television , gaming, internet, and consumerism. These people do not look lonely nor would they say they felt lonely because they run from one thing to the next. I think they are terrified of being 'alone' with themselves for more than a short window of time. So, I'm sorry, this article seems to lack substance. Being alone does not make someone lonely. Living a life devoid of meaning does, not insufficient social plans or or stuff filling your minutes. I find doing something that matters and is of value to you, volunteering time in helping others, leads to a life less lonely as you find more meaning. Like minded friends (and friendships) will follow. But maybe we are ALL functionally lonely?

Loneliness

As I read this article I began to wonder "is it possible to be married but still be functionally lonely?" My marriage has it's ebbs and flows like all do. I love my wife, she loves me but there are many feelings and opinions I don't share with her anymore because I don't feel she understands where I'm coming from. I'm a immigrant 26 years to America from Australia and don't have any of my own family in this country. The only family I have are my wife's family and my children. My wife and I don't have any "best friends" like when we were kids and have found it difficult to break into clicks at work, church, school parents, Little League etc. always feeling on the outside. Acquaintances yes, close friends not really. So with that said, I wonder about myself. Is it possible I'm functionally lonely? From time to time I cry at night. As time goes by it's become harder to reach out, I've become a lot more introverted. I do agree it feels like people don't care any more than superficially. Pathetic I know but hey I function.

I think there is a beautiful

I think there is a beautiful quiet strength in "functional loneliness " Would it not be considered a logical step on a path towards finding a person/people to connect with? www.google.com

Great article

Unfortunately I missed this post before. I can relate completely, and I think the other people commenting are being overly defensive.

It's important that this topic is being addressed. Otherwise the lonely have no hope of overcoming this.

I hope to see more posts from you in the future since I have a feeling you're just starting to explore the depths of this topic.

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Sean Seepersad, Ph.D. is the President/CEO of the Web of Loneliness Institute, Inc., adjunct professor at the University of Connecticut, and author of The Lonely Screams.

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