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In meetings where women are a minority, there is a possibility that their ideas will either be ignored or shot down. Dr. William Bergquist, author of Creating the Appreciative Organization (Pacific Soundings Press, 2004), cites this occurrence as a function of social dominance. He calls the actions "idea plopping and killing."
It is likely that women also ignore and kill each other's ideas when there are perceptions of various levels of authority or experience in the room. Regardless of who is stifling the creativity, it is good to be able to recognize when you are the victim of these attacks.
These actions are not necessarily done with spite. Most people do not recognize the harm they are doing when they squash another's idea. If attention is called to their behavior, there is a chance they will be more aware of their actions next time and seek to be more inclusive. Therefore, when you describe what happened and the negative impact of having your ideas disregarded, even if the offender reacts defensively in the present you might decrease the behavior in the future.
Here are eight common phrases to listen for and confront to increase your chances of being heard in meetings.
1. Sure. Okay. Any other ideas?
If you feel that your idea was only slightly acknowledged before attention was directed to someone else, you might rephrase the idea and ask for the reasons it will not work. Or you might wait until the meeting is over and ask the facilitator why your idea didn't warrant consideration.
2. That won't work here.
This is a common method used to maintain control and avoid considering novice ideas. The truth is something that didn't work yesterday could work today. If you believe your idea has merit, do a small test to try it out before you present it. Then during the meeting, acknowledge that a similar effort had been tried in the past, but you have a new application that you've tested with good results.
3. I'll put it on the list to consider.
On the surface, this looks like an acknowledgment when it could actually be a way to stuff your idea under the table. Make your own list of all the ideas that are offered by the group. When the group moves to consider the options, you can remind them that your idea fell off the list.
4. We can't go down that path right now.
This is a subtle way of saying your idea is dumb because you don't know enough about what is going on to suggest something useful. Either during or after the meeting, ask for clarification on what you are missing so you can more effectively participate in the future.
5. You don't have all the facts.
This is a way of saying you aren't in the inner circle. As in the previous example, state your desire to more fully participate in the future so you need to know what facts you are missing.
6. I didn't acknowledge your idea because I couldn't hear you.
Sometimes when you let someone know that they ignored your idea, they turn the blame on you saying you didn't speak loud enough. It's possible that you need to work on speaking up and confidently delivering your ideas even if the idea is not accepted. It is also possible that you were simply ignored. Either way, acknowledge the incident so maybe you will be seen and heard more next time when you are sure to speak with more conviction.
7. That will be the day!
Using sarcasms is a common means of insulting a person. In this case, the statement often means, "You haven't been around long enough or paid your dues to offer a decent idea." If you think your idea will work, defend it. If not, don't let the laughter keep you from offering ideas in the future. Focus on the contribution you know you make and keep the ideas flowing. Hopefully, it will soon be recognized by others, too.
8. Lighten up.
This comment suggests you are overreacting to a situation. Maybe you are, or maybe you are just being passionate about the topic. If possible, don't get angry or feel embarrassed by this remark. Defend your passion for achieving a good result. The next time around, make sure your suggestion is concise and clear. This way, you demonstrate you can control your emotions. Hopefully, the facilitator will control his or her emotions as well.
Can you add to the list? What comments have you heard in meetings that kill ideas? Bringing subtle discrimination to light helps everyone become more inclusive.
Marcia Reynolds, PsyD is an executive coach and author of Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction. She teaches classes worldwide on emotional intellilgence and leadership. You can read more about Dr. Reynolds at www.outsmartyourbrain.com.
