Yet speaking up and having a voice doesn't mean we use it well.
We have been taught to be strong and overcome our fear of asking for what we want. We were not necessarily taught the best ways to do this. Many of the women I coach are looking for ways to better communicate because they don't always get the results they want. They don't back down when it comes to sharing their opinions. Yet they struggle getting agreement and support for their ideas.
There are specific communication techniques that are helpful. I've listed a few at the end of this post. But first you have to look at "who you think you are" before you will actually remember what technique to use. If you think you have to be a Fighter, Warrior, or Heroine, you might miss the opportunity to be an Inspirer, Collaborator or Negotiator.
You have been taught to be strong but not necessarily how to be powerful.
I learned this lesson from my boss in my first a senior management position. I was complaining about a colleague's lack of support for my idea when he took my hand, patted it and said, "Dear, you can quit fighting now. You've made it." I yanked my hand away. He added, "Fighting helped you get where you are today. Now it's time you learn how to persuade others to see your point of view." The truth of his words hit me square between the eyes. That's when I learned the difference between being a strong woman and being a woman of strength and influence.
Many high-achieving women take the "pit bull" approach to be heard, to right the wrongs and to earn recognition. Or worse, we are now hearing about "mamma grizzlies." I cringe at the thought that women are being praised for how well they fight over their wisdom and contribution.
Fighting back is good, but what do you want to be remembered for, the bite of your words or the impact of your work?
As a "woman of strength and influence," you can speak loudly but you are honored more for your words than how ballsy you are. You can still draw your lines in the sand. You can still speak with passion. Yet you will focus on presenting the merits of your ideas instead of bashing someone else's. You will even look where your ideas intersect with an opposing approach to create alignment instead of competition.
The higher you move up in your career, the more important it is to inspire people to follow you. When you can evaluate a situation so that you see there are options for when to speak up, when to ask questions, and when to listen for more information, you are being a strategic communicator. It is important to choose your battles. It is also important to choose when to calmly absorb what is going on around you so you can speak more wisely in the future.
Here are some specific tips to show you are not just powerful, but an influential woman of strength and grace as well.
