My
parents wanted the best for me. They wanted me to thrive, to succeed, and to show the world how great I was. I proceeded to be successful, working my way up in male-dominated companies.
Then one night 20 years into my career, I was sitting in the dark in my living room. I didn't have enough energy to turn on a light. I was 45 years old. I owned a beautiful home plus two cars in the garage. I had plaques and pictures demonstrating that I had achieved world-wide fame. In the dark, none of that was visible. There was something missing that kept me from enjoying my life. I was tired, emotionally numb and had no idea who I was.
The night I sat in my living room in the dark, I thought I was alone. I didn't know there were a growing number of women just like me-confident, passionate and successful, yet disillusioned, exhausted and confused. With the best of intentions, our parents raised us to excel and society persuaded us to achieve. Being ordinary was not an option.
That's when I decided to do my doctoral dissertation on the current generation of women in the workplace, specifically looking at what personal factors serve or frustrate the aspirations of women who desire to achieve great things at work.
I was right. There is a new generation of women in the workplace. They grew up in the self-help era so they are more confident than the women who came before them. In fact, the majority of the women at work today represent the first generation of women who were told they could accomplish anything they put their mind to. Though they were warned the roads would not be easy, they were told the possibilities were limitless.
The problem with having goals of being "great" and accomplishing something important is that they are constantly-moving targets. As a result, many women feel restless, sensing there is something more for them to do in this life. They get excited by new goals and projects but at some point feel disappointed or just sense that it is time to move on. I call this phenomenon "the burden of greatness."
When Maria Shriver declared there to be a Quiet Revolution in the workplace referring to the increased number of women who work, she didn't touch on the Noisy Revolution that is going on in our heads.
Women working their way up the ladders in the workplace today are physically stronger, are likely to have multiple college degrees and feel more confident in their abilities than their mother's generation. They love being busy and hate feeling bored. They don't worry about being found out that they are not competent enough for the job. They are irritated by not being challenged enough, recognized enough and included in making important decisions. They were told they were great and should accomplish amazing things. They don't understand why there should be so many roadblocks to doing great work.
As a result, they wander from job to job, career to career and sometimes even relationship to relationship. If they don't physically wander, they seek to renew their work and their lives as often as they can in their current situation. If they can't do this, their irritation and anger hurts both themselves and those around them.
When I shared these facts with the women I surveyed, many of didn't realize so many other women felt like them. They felt like they were the only ones who worked so hard and cared so much at work. I released a book on this phenomenon this year called Wander Woman: How High-Achieving Women Find Contentment and Direction. I get many emails from women thanking me for articulating what they have been struggling with mentally. Again, they had no idea so many women deal with the same angst they feel.
I am pleased to be blogging for Psychology Today. This blog will focus on strong, smart women who like to achieve. I will provide tips on how to stay sane in this non-stop world, how to manage the needs to be right and be the best, how to turn restlessness into a life strategy, how to define what a healthy relationship looks like when women have strong careers and how to discover those things that feel so elusive like purpose, passion and contentment. I will also answer your questions if you are willing to have them answered online. I will gladly respond to your comments so we can rant, learn and dream together.
There is a revolution going on in the workplace. I believe that if women can come to understand themselves and each other better in light of the shifts that are taking place, we will be able to lower the roadblocks and accomplish the amazing things we desire.
