How to Change the World

I recently visited New York for a bit of a recharge in my life. I hadn’t visited since 2010, when my life was just finally starting to make sense. I was about to finish journalism school, enjoying the happiest and healthiest relationship of my life, and, most importantly, experiencing absolute gratitude and joy for all the fortuitous opportunities that were continually opening up to me.

Fast-forward three years later, and I am no longer in that euphoric state. This time, I visited New York with a heavy heart, longing for an escape – or maybe a sign to guide me down the correct path, because for the last year, I felt like I was lost on a wrong one.

Technically, there’s nothing wrong with my life. I have a pretty decent job, am in a really fulfilling relationship, and am finally in a place that I can picture as a long-term home. Yet, there is a constant feeling of discontent that is nagging at me…

And then this happened:

I’m not sure if you’ve seen this video – it made it’s way around the Internet a few weeks ago, and then appeared again this past week. It’s a My Last Days video brought to you by the inspiring folks at Soulpancake, Rainn Willson’s website.

Zach Sobiech, as you may have read, was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma, a rare form of bone cancer that takes the lives of many children. With his diagnosis giving him just months to live, Zach decided to do something that few of us rarely do: He decided to live life to the fullest.

I’ve only watched the above video once. It took me three separate tries to get through the entire 22 minutes, because I was basically weeping from the first minute, and I couldn’t keep it together.

Zach passed away this past Monday, leaving behind an incredible legacy: a devoted family, the love of his life, best friends, a burgeoning musical talent, and the vision to change the world at 17 years old.

Zach passed away this past Monday, leaving behind an incredible legacy: a devoted family, the love of his life, best friends, a burgeoning musical talent, and the vision to change the world at 17 years old.

I’m listening to his song, “Clouds” as I write this post, which is probably not a good idea, since I’m tearing up again, and I’m not sure why. I don’t know if they are happy tears or sad tears, maybe a combination of both.

The timing of learning about Zach couldn’t coincide more with my own life at this moment.

If you’ve read my blog or know me at all, you know that I’m constantly questioning life. How do we become better people? How do we become happy? Just what exactly are we supposed to be doing here? How do we change the world?

Through the years, my answers have wavered. They range from: from making lots of money, being famous, falling in love, having kids, getting married, establishing good relationships, to being the absolute best I can be. Sometimes, it’s all of them at the same time, and sometimes it’s only one. And sometimes, it’s none of them.

Seventeen-year-old Zach says that the secret to life is to “try and make people happy.”

It’s so simple, he says, “You’re going to make the world is a better place.”

At first, the cynic quickly disagrees. Trying and making people happy is a luxury if you think about it, especially, when you are attractive, come from a great family, have a pretty comfortable existence and have a zillion YouTube hits.

And then I remember two things: Lots of people who have those things (or have more) don’t say those things, and more importantly, don’t live those things.

And the second: Zach has cancer, and he knows it’s going to kill him soon.

The latter realization, hits me quite hard.

I cry and complain like there’s no tomorrow when I get a splinter, yet in his dying days, Zach want to make other people happy.

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OK. The tears are welling up in my eyes again. I will get through this post, I promise.

I don’t know what it’s like to die or be near death, despite being near the epicenter of many natural disasters in the last decade. It’s never been something that I can really think about, because I wouldn’t know where to begin or where to end. And none of it brings me any kind of comfort, to say the least.

Zach talks about dying as something everyone is understandably afraid of, but he’s going to opt to “relax and just go to sleep.” He’s not going to obsess about the end – after all, he has way too many things to do while he’s alive and not enough time.

Zach talks about dying as something everyone is understandably afraid of, but he’s going to opt to “relax and just go to sleep.” He’s not going to obsess about the end – after all, he has way too many things to do while he’s alive and not enough time.

We always hear that old adage: “Live everyday like it’s your last,” or some variation of it. While I like the idea, I don’t think I’ve ever consciously made an effort to do so. I think part of it stems from the fact that I have never thought about what kind of legacy that I’d like to leave behind. (Remember, I don’t like thinking about the end.)

Thanks to Zach, for the first time in my 30 years, I’m finally taking some time to really think about it. When I die, what will I want people to say about me? What will I want to leave behind? It’s funny how little I feel prepared for the world the older I get.

I’ve lived almost twice as long as this kid, and yet, I feel like he’s the more mature and wiser one of the two of us. Needless to say, I’m so grateful to Zach for making my path just a little bit clearer.

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