Very few people find these idiosyncrasies cute; they are weird-plain and simple. And while these attributes are the makeup of my sparkling one-of-a-kind personality, I have a hard time believing they will attract a mate, or more importantly, my soulmate.

That's why I was instantly drawn to How to Love, a self-help-cum-philosophy book by Dr. Gordon Livingston, a best-selling author and psychiatrist.

Perhaps, if I could figure out the secrets of how and why people love one another, I would be able to see beyond my own freakish flaws and realize that I am totally awesome after all-or maybe I could just trick others into thinking so.

However, the book, while beautifully written, failed to deliver any new meaningful insight. Livingston basically writes dozens of little anecdotes on what kinds of qualities you should cherish in people such as humor, intelligence, tolerance and courage. He extols the virtues of good people and urges the reader to find and become ideal mates.

Yawn.

Still, there was one particularly interesting passage about types of women men should avoid:

"Imagine living with someone who requires continual stimulation and admiration, who is incapable of serious thought and conversation, who is preoccupied with appearances (especially her own), and whose primary avocation is shopping. That such a person is commonly very attractive confuses men who have been socialized to pursue such women as the feminine ideal."

I laughed out loud when I read this, because most of this paragraph describes me exactly. Okay, not so much the shopping part, but definitely the needing continual stimulation and admiration part. Occasionally, I will dabble in the serious conversation, but very rarely, and usually only as a form of punishment.

Nowhere, does he mention anything about eating bacon in your underwear, which is a relief. But these other issues, however, pose new personality deficiencies for me.

How do I stop myself from wanting to be entertained and admired? I love laughing and people telling me I'm a pretty. Why would I give that up?

I know. I know. I'm taking things too literally, but that's sort of what I'm getting at. Books like these can be so misleading because they make us feel really bad about not being able to live up to a certain ideal. In this case, we should get over our vanity, our need for admiration and our shopbop.com habits.

My mom has always been the perfect woman/wife/mother/nurse. She is beautiful, graceful, brilliant, funny, tactful, thoughtful and completely non-superficial and non-creepy. As far as I know, eating bacon in underwear is not a genetic trait.

But I have to wonder if being the ideal has really paid off for her. She got her first expensive bag (a Gucci) after the age of 60 and she has never exhibited any odd behavior except for an alarming amount of altruism and patience.

But I still don't think that she found the ideal husband and the amazing life that she truly deserves. She has always been a great person-the type of ideal person that Livingston says we should all strive to become and meet-but she didn't get the ideal relationship she wanted. So exactly why should we learn how to love the ideal?

I think learning to love at all is a pretty impressive feat. So often, I feel like the words: I love you, are responsible for more break-ups than relationships. Scared people run away from intimacy and committment all the time, and while it would be nice to pick the ideal person, I think finding someone to love who will love you back difficult enough.

People fall in love with whom they fall in love with-I don't see a lot of choice in the matter-certainly not in the personality checklist format that Livingston presents.

The only way you can really learn to love others is through real life practice.

Practice letting go of the ideal-in yourself and your potential soulmate. Then love will be bacon-ing,

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