Valley Girl With a Brain

I can only assume you are still in your early twenties, and therefore perhaps can be excused for still acting like a selfish, spoiled brat. Is it too much to ask that your mother, who supported you throughout your life and apparently can be depended on to "deposit money in your account without expecting to be paid back", might have someone to talk to about important issues in her life? Is this relationship forever to be only a one way street? I think that eventually you will probably grow up and come to appreciate the fact that your mother is a human being with wants, needs, and feelings of her own. In your thirties, or maybe only if or after you have children of your own, you might realize that this is true. In the meantime, I feel sorry for you that you can't appreciate the gift you are being offered, of a true and real friendship with your mother. And I feel sorry for her, because I can't imagine what it would feel like as a mother to read an article like this written by your surly, sarcastic child, which basically says, "shut up about your life and your feelings, I don't care and I don't want to hear it." Many older women find themselves isolated in marriages that are no longer close or passionate, and without strong friendships with other women. You know why? Because they have given so much of themselves to their children. I don't think it's too much to ask that you talk to your mom on the phone three times a week, listen to her talk about her issues, accept her worry and advice as the loving concern that it is, and encourage her to try new activities or meet new friends at the same time. Isn't that what you would do for a friend? Grow up and stop being such a selfish brat. There are those who lost their mothers at a early age who would kill to have what you have.

For the record, I'm 24 and I have been close with my mother since I moved out of my parents home. I am very grateful for everything my parents have done for me, especially my mother. I cherish the fact that she is now able to open up to me. Although her nagging comes close to driving me crazy, I realize that it all comes from love. My point is that age may have nothing to do with it. I'm young and I have a strong friendship with my mother. Whether we are "best friends" or not doesn't matter, she is the best friend that I have.

"Best Friends" = 6th Grade mindset.

I am, as an adult, a friend with my mother. She is still my mother -- still has my respect and love as my mother. I am still her child: she did give birth to me, after all.

However, I am 44 years old. The time of "parent/child relationship" (put on your sweater, honey, it's cold out...) is LONG over -- just part of being a grownup, you see!

I also lost my mom at a fairly young age, but I certainly didn't see this post as particularly negative. It's all about growth and change in life and in relationships.

Best of luck to you and to your mom (and to Peggy).

I have to say I think Anonymous has a point and at the same time acknowledge that no one can or should suggest you should be friends with someone if you'd rather not. Even if that person is your mother.

There needs to be equity in adult relationship, ALL adult relationships. Why on earth would I want to cook soup for, or throw cash at anyone who so fundamentally disregarded me? I'd find someone else to cook for and a better use for my cash. Maybe one of your 'real' friends can do that for you.

I understand the points both this article and the research it cites make. I've seen that in action too. How well-meaning actions of parents are intrusive and lack regard for privacy or consideration for the views of their grown children.

However, exceptions also exist. My mother and I really are best friends - but we have consciously transitioned to this role, essentially discarding a mother/daughter relationship.

We respect and relate to each other as human beings, not a parent and child. If either of us gets intrusive, the other can provide immediate feedback and ask to back off. Yes, I am the one usually invoking that privilege... but through many discussions on the nature of our relationship we got to this point.

We can - and do - talk about everything, including sex. We truly and deeply understand each other and we both want to share everything that's important to us. It took a lot of effort and pain and understanding and compromise to get to this stage. But if was definitely worth it.

Isn't it commonsense that the dynamics of a parent/ child relationship will change over time- it’s called maturing.
Just wait till they get to old to drive to the bank to make that deposit for you. Then maybe you will be able to write an article that actually has substance and not the imperceptive rantings of a teenager.

my dad tried to tell me that his wife(my stepmom) doesn't have sex with him enough. and that (oh my god vomit) is when i non-verbally drew a thick, i don't want to know where more babies besides m come from, prophylactic line.
so at least i found a good non verbal way to enforce the issue.