Unthinking

Wonderful! Love it! Thanks for sharing!

I've found public speaking to be a fascinating education in psychology, Matt. Audiences are great test subjects.

Naturally, I left some things out. An overall lesson is that people are both intensely self-interested, yet gracious. They want the speaker to succeed--I suspect they feel for him or her vicariously--and are very generous with compliments. Sometimes, I think they spirit behind them is "I can't believe you can do that!"

You also learn about the great differences between people, including learning styles. There's no question, from my experience, that stories are good for all audiences, but even better recieved by women. I've heard experts say that women are "more contextual," and that stories of course are contexts.

Women also respond most strongly to my messages on risk-taking. I wonder if that's because they would like to take more risks, of all kinds, but perhaps feel other obligatiions--to spouses and children. I've noticed some women crying when I conclude my remarks on risk.

Again, thanks for your compliment, too. You can find a slightly different version, with a couple different points, on my blog at beckwithpartners.com. (Plus you might enjoy some of the other entries; there are at least ten. . .)

all the best to you!

Very thoughtful as usual Mr. Beckwith,

I have a couple examples for you.

1. Wynton Marsallis on music - UTUBE - He's very engaging and breaks down the elements of jazz which I think applies very well to what you're saying. In a nutshell, he says you have to start off with a good sound then project your personality through it. Then doing your rift and All the tricks of engaging them and then creatively synching with your partners and audience.

2. The apprentice last night. Meetlouf gripped his group and engaged them all the way. Conversely, the group ASAP was a disaster . The leader was not the strongest personality and she got stream rolled by two very self centered egos, Dion and Star. I wonder how a masterful speaker would have reigned them in? They were defiant, not listening and wanted to run the table. It's like one of those football game and the momentum is not going your way, you feel your swimming up stream and you need a momentum changer. I felt that woman was in a very tough position and I wonder if Trump himself could have reigned them in.

You're spot on, Mne. Jazz is a wonderful illustration of so many things that I talk about: White space, spontaneity, passion. The music, as you are suggesting, has to be an expression of you. That's why "he/she sounds likes X" singers fail; we assume they are mimicing another person rather than expressing their own unique soul. The talents--Cindy Lauper, Kim Carnes, Joni Mitchell, Adele, Marvin Gaye (gracious, what an example.) Look at the enormous audiences that Dylan and Tom Waits have--two men whose voices are imperfect, to be kind. Joe Cocker, same deal.

(I also agree that some far less soulful singers have succeeded. I can't think of an example, however, where you wouldn't say, "Man, he/she has great pipes.) There's a definite market niche in music for great pipes. You can fill in your own choices of singer's names here.)

But despite all those musical references, I missed Meatloaf last night. But the qualities that make him work as a musician help him work in a context like that.

I don't have the complete answer, partly because I didn't witness the episode. But I have written about Egos and Alpha in group planning situations, and the represent major risks in any group where a decision needs to be made. But given the Egos and the Alphas, the Speaker here need to strongly acknowledge the worth of the opposing people and opposing positions.

The next thing the Speaker needs--and it is best if it occurs before he tries to mediate--is a follower. Two voices work three times better than one. On the Speakers side is the fact that he is not along in thinking that the Egos are being driven by their egos and not the best judgment, so the Speaker likely has allies already. But the Speaker needs to engage the allies and get at least ally to assume a co-leadership role. That usually will produce a cascading effect that eventually keeps the Egos from running the table.

The third challenge--and excuse me but my time is limited--is that the Speaker has to do it in a way that protects the Egos from feeling they were foolish, and completely wrong. One device is to take some component of what they've proposed and honor it, and incorporate it, or preserve the option of incorporating it later. The alternative is to simply let the Egos bolt, if you can afford to go without their participation. That can be easier--again, if you can succeed without them. Not sure if in this setting that would have been possible.

Thanks for the exchange, and excuse what I suspect are several typos and missing words. I'd've made this shorter and cleaner but don't have enough time, thanks for indulging me,

H

Thank you ..... THIS IS REALLY GETTING INTERESTING ... I hear you about your time.... Here is a thought bubble . Have you considered utilizing videos to illustrate your ideas and or using them to play off of, ask questions and make observations?

Honestly, Matt, it takes all the ego I can muster to assume that people are interested in my ideas. My first book sold hundreds of thousands of copies, but the conclusion I reached from that was that the suggestions were practical and helpful.

The other issue with videos: I'd have to get all tidied up. My work allows me to skip showers many mornings and dress in whatever I wore the day before. Plus writing allows me to consider my words carefully and edit aggressively, to make sure the point is clear.

But most important, you've paid me a very nice compliment, Mne, and I appreciate it.

PS: I would add: As I've you continued to think about music--all forms--I've discovered that it's filled with lessons about people: our love of surprise, our dislike of monotony, our soulful and emotional sides that most often trump our purely rational sides.

Here is a take for you. I've noticed often when artists paint portraits their paintings have a tendency to look much like themselves as opposed to their subject. In essence, they are painting out of their heads. Further, in the larger picture this tendency is in flux relative to all sorts of factors much like jazz..... So artists really have to get into a zen perceptual state to truly see what is in front of them. To make the jazz / art have present every body needs to be present .

I've also noticed when I take photographs people pose and you loose the natural quality.

Putting these two together you have quite a challenge.

I believe music at its best live has a way of making everyone truly present and this creates a sort of vacuum where in synergy takes place. This reaction shows in your art and often as an atmospheric quality. It just has presence . Great art seems to glow.

Funny in that mediums at there best are bridges between subject and universe and or a reflection of the universe in us all. ( Latin ponte / pontiff = bridge. ) That which carries us over change .

It's the photographs when the person isn't posing--is in the moment, rather than the moment of thinking how they appear--that works. Yousuf Karsh's famous photo of Winston Churchill was taken when the photograper or an aid took away Churchill's cigar, and you can see the Churchill's indignation--an appropriate expression for a man best known for resisting Hitler and the Nazis.

No one would pose at Churchill did, and that makes the photo.

The famous National Geographic cover photo of the young Afghan--same deal. And Annie Leibovitz shoots and shoots until she finally gets the person responding the situation and not the camera: I think particularly of her photo of Whoopi Goldberg bathing in a bath of milk. She looks lost in the lunacy of that moment.

So it comes down to "am I seeing the real person, or a person posing, which is a form of pretending."

It also reminds me of the less skilled photographs I've worked with, who keep adjusting your hand, then your shoulder, then the tilt of your hair--and pretty soon you feel so frozen in space that your smile comes out frozen, too.

In a way, it's like de-clocking the chameleon or catching the chameleon without his makeup.

With Jazz or similar mind set, it has a way of melting our pretenses and defenses ; it even turns them around and uses them as art via satire and or play.

Have you noticed the benefits of being "lyrical" ?

A number of writers have talked and written about lyricalness, in prose and not just poetry. Rhythymic prose carries the reader along in its lyrical flow.

So there's value in listening to the rhythym of your writing.

And of course, rhythym is important and apparent in great speaking. Martin Luther King seems like the most obvious example, but John Kennedy knew its importance to. Among modern speakers, Reagan and Clinton both understood it. George Sr. seemed less eloquent than many others, but you can here him striving for rhythym in his speeches, too.

Wynton Marsalis speaks of of playing soft and low to draw the listener in, this also enables him to project more of his personality through his music. I would suspect this enable more subtlety .

I wonder what the equivalent to this is in writing?

In speaking, you need to bring the audience to a place of comfort before you can start hitting the high notes and brings in the brass section and the bass drums--although if the audience is conditioned to expect a very high energy speaker, he or she probably can start there without discomforting anyone. If the audience doesn't have that expectation, you need to wind them up slowly.

In writing, if you look back at what are considered the great opening paragraphys in literature, I think you would conclude that they all quickly raise the question, "What happened?"

As an example, a gifted writing teacher once shared one of the best leads to a story he'd ever read, and it was written by a student"

"I would have strangled her, but then I would have had to touch her."

The beginning to Lolita also is often praised, and it's begins with surprise, pace, provocation; it feels like Nabokov leapt right in.

I'd also say that while Marsalis has his preference, there has been wonderful popular music that begins boldly: The famous opening note of Hard Days Nights, Richard's great guitar riff that opens Can't Get No Satisfaction. And of course, some great classical music begins boldly, too.

Another difference is that most musical pieces are much shorter than speeches; a typical popular song is over at about the same time a good speech is just starting to pick up some pace. So that difference may explain why music and speeeches almost always follow different patterns.

Finally, Marsalis seems very much like Marvin Gaye, but overall, jazz is a more mellow genre, so it's not surprising that its artists tend to start soft and slow. (Which reminds me to suggest to anyone reading. You ever want to see how the Star Spangled Banner can be sung so well you'd disagree with the millions who insist it's just a badly-written piece of music, go to YouTube and see "Marvin Gaye National Anthem," sung at an NBA All Star game many years ago.

My reaction--and most peoples--is "Mercy, mercy me."

Great article! Thank you!

Would you like to hear my next five ideas?

Or should I quit while I am ahead?

Again, thanks,
Harry B

["I would have strangled her, but then I would have had to touch her." ]

Transition between emotions ..... E motions

PS. "E" ... represents the verb "is" in Italian.

Reminds me of the Mona Lisa's smile, I think Leonardo captured her in between expressions and thus possess a question.

Yeah, there is a ton of possibilities .

Here's a great movie / music metaphor, think of the depth and breadth.
CAST AWAY - I'm sorry Wilson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaxjEpar91g

~~~~ • ~~~~

As Shakespeare said:

"Brevity is the soul of wit"

Then might soul make one witty?

Mr. Beckwith,

Do your books come with a GPS tracking device?

I left your UNTHINKING unattended at a Starbucks yesterday and someone stole it.

Have a great weekend.

KR

Hi Harry,
This are fantastic tips... but what do I do when I cannot get myself to face all those eyes looking at me?

I do extremely well when I have to speak in a circle or group discussion and all those eye do not bother me. All of us are on the same plane and thats totally comfortable.

But when I stand facing them, they could well be munching me alive. I hate that look when they are thinking 'whats she gotto say?' I feel its an evaluation of me, my body language and my choice of word will reveal too much of me and I draw a total blank. I find it hard even to read the words in a sheet of paper- sometimes I forget which words I am reading and so dont know what to read next, even with some practice. I literally become numb in my head, get cold feet and ice cold fingertips. None of these things bother me in a level playing field like a group discussion. I have written much applauded speeches for my dear friends and husband, so its not the content- its the fear...

And so, I just avoid that fear each and every time.

I really want to overcome this. I would love to stand up there, look into every pair of eyes, stay composed and in control and be able to gather my senses and thoughts enough to give an extempo talk.

Can you please help me? Could you please suggest solutions- anything like articles, books or workshops- to a case as severe as mine?

Any pointers will be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!

Harry,

Thank you very much for the reply. Its good to know the points you have iterated- particularly that people are happy to see the speaker succeed.

This has been such a strange turn of events! I took my toddler son to the bookstore this evening. He wanted me to read a little train story. Like I always do, did so with the animation required to keep the 2.5 yr old engaged. Before I realised it, a few other kids had turned their attention to the story. The little train was singing 'I think I can I think I can' as he huffed and puffed down the line with his load. I felt a bit shaky and could feel the freeze setting in- there were kids looking at me, but I told myself they very little kids- who will not judge and who I may never see again- plus there was strenght in those words, which I had to convince the kids was true. My weakness could not shake the faith of my young trusting audience.

Today has been a starting point on my quest to slay the demon.
The words really are 'I think I can'.

Thank you again, for your direction and more so, your kind supportive words.

:)

I don't want to interrupt ,just thought I would toss this in :

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss

If you get stuck , think of the blooper effect. Just smile and non verbally acknowledge the error and move on. The people in the audience that matter will understand and have compassion. The people that are not paying attention, who cares? The people who will make an issue out of it, what wont they make an issue out of what do they matter?

And worth tossing in.

I'm reminded of a Jerry Seinfeld episode where in his monologue he talks about how the #1 fear people have is public-speaking and the #2 fear people have is death. So, he concludes, people would rather die than speak in public! It is funny but there is an interesting thought there. I think if we realize that everyone else in that room is at least as terrified as we are of getting up and speaking, it might make us relax a little. Just a thought.

And someone else added to that. They said given a choice, most people would rather be in the casket and be delivering the eulogy.

I have thought about your second thought, too, Anne. Before I walk to the stage, I take comfort knowing that most of the people in the audience will be thinking, "Man, how does he do that?"

On another site, I wrote about the explanations for the fear. The fear really makes perfect sense. No one should feel alone, or even odd, about fearing public speaking.

Thanks for weighing in, Anne.

I bet if it was done with taste, one could really capture one's audience by singing the entire speech.

My best advice, above all of those mentioned above (although they are very good points), is to convince yourself that the people you are about to talk to are all YOUR BEST FRIENDS!

Just tell yourself they all love you, they think the world of you, and that they will always remember you as someone they like.

I'm no expert but this method works a treat for me all by itself. :-) x

Your opening comment about opening your presentation with a story is a great one, and as a strategic storyteller it warmed my heart to read it. A well-crafted story, well told can establish context for the presentation/speech you are about to give, helping you shape and focus the way people perceive the information and content that follows.

A story doesn't have to start with "Once upon a time..." It can be anything that involves an exchange of meaning between you and your audience. It can be a story from our own experience, a story from the news, from a movie, history or a book. It can also be a great quote, a YouTube clip, an arresting image. All of these things constitute storytelling, for more on this, check out this blog post. http://billbakerandco.com/blog/2011/05/20/what-constitutes-storytelling/

Beyond that, however, stories are a great way for an audience to get to know you as a person. Storytelling is the most human of activities, and by sharing a story, any story, you are giving your audience a glimpse into your psyche, your very being. When they get to know you, they will start to trust you; and when they trust you, they will listen to you. And so it grows.