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Happiness and compassion are so intertwined, it seems impossible to say which one brings out the other. I, for once, can relate best to others when I am feeling joyful. People say it doesn't cost anything to smile, but when I am stressed, even a simple gesture seems hard. Those who are constantly stressed, feeling overwhelmed or worried, might just refrain from giving at all.
It is no wonder then that all major religions make compassion a cornerstone. Mystics and those who are "spiritual but not religious" see in compassion the door to experiencing oneness with God or the universe. The most prominent Buddhist in the West, the current Dalai Lama, argues that happiness and compassion are fundamentally the same.1 Abundant scientific studies support the idea that even a mild positive affect correlates with generosity, forgiving, and empathy2. From a biological perspective, compassion makes a whole lot of sense too. Species that depend on mutual help thrive in evolution. In some ways, we are born to be good and to do good.
Given this correlation of compassion and happiness, how can we walk past someone suffering while whistling a happy tune? How can anybody have a good time when somebody in site is sobbing? According to Worthington Jr., fortunate people with high self-esteem and stable relationships do not necessarily want to give or forgive3. Why is that?
Some may argue that compassion is a moral choice which we are more likely to make when we feel good, but which we are by no means compelled to make. Beyond morality, I think that the instinctive compassionate response is triggered only when we are under the impression that we can afford it. The immediate, subjective experience of ourselves is what matters most. Somehow we must experience ourselves as blessed, lucky or bestowed with riches and gifts in critical moments to become motivated to share.
I was surprised to learn from the literature that subtle, small things persuade us to give. When subjects in a study found a few coins that had been planted by the researchers in a telephone booth, they were much more likely to assist a woman who fell to the ground with a stack of books4. The compassionate response was contingent upon finding a few cents! Apparently, it does not take much to make us feel rich and lucky.
In another study, students were instructed to go to a particular place. On their way, they had to pass by a helpless man who was suffering on the floor. Those students who were put under no time constraints were much more likely to stop and try to help than those who were under time constraints5. A little bit of time pressure made all the difference. The ones with time lend a hand while the ones who felt time-pressured stepped over the poor guy.
Also, a more recent study shows that students who help others feel they have more time than those students who were given another task.6 By volunteering, we experience that we have more time, independent of our objective reality. Apparently, we can create the subjective experience of affordability quite easily. I think it is safe to assume that the secret of unleashing a compassionate response lies in the mere perception of our blessings in life.
Since this insight, I make an effort to be aware of my good fortune in life, that is of all the gifts with which I am bestowed. There is always something for which to feel grateful. I want to be grateful for the pennies I find, the sunshine, my car starting, and the coffee machine working. Sometimes I throw a quarter on the street, to make someone else feel lucky and willing to give. Here are three simple things to enhance your subjective experience of your good fortune:
1) NOTE THAT YOU HAVE TIME
It is good to realize that we have time; mostly we rush for no good reason.
2) PRACTICE GRATITUDE DAILY
Do not wait for the big break, but pay attention to that which gives you joy. Celebrate your little victories in life and the small gifts that you receive from Mother Earth.
3) VOLUNTEER
As you volunteer more often, if only a simple smile, you are more likely to experience that you have more time. Choose to help others in some meaningful way. The more you give, the more you find in your heart.
We do not have to wait for some lucky break or moment. Instead, let's make ourselves feel that we already have what it takes to be generous and compassionate. As we so experience that we can afford to be compassionate, our and others' happiness will grow exponentially--
May all sentient beings be happy.
1) The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living by the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler. Riverhead Books; Anniversary edition (October 1, 2009).
2) Handbook of Positive Psychology, 2002, 528-540.
3) The Compassionate Instinct: The Science of Human Goodness, 2010, 70.
4) Isen, A.M., & Levin, P.F. (1972). The effect of feeling good on helping: Cookies and kindness. JPSP, 21, 384-388.
5) Darley, J. M., and Batson, C.D. (1973). From Jerusalem to Jericho: A study of situational and dispositional variables in helping behavior. JPSP, 27, 100-108.
6) http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/22/volunteering-time_n_1672170.ht…)
