Human behavior is a mass of contradictions. Perhaps nowhere is that more obvious than in trying to understand what people like and want.
At one level, we predict people's behavior with a simple "belief-desire" psychology. We assume that there if someone likes something and believes that they can perform an action to obtain it, then they will perform that action and get the object. That is, we want what we like and we try to obtain what we want.
At another level, though, we have all observed ourselves really wanting something and then being much less excited about it once we have obtained it. Sometimes, of course, this is just because the object wasn't as exciting as we thought it would be. There were many toys that I desperately wanted as a child that were much less fun to play with once I had them. But at other times, the factors that govern wanting and liking just seem to be different. The plots of many books and movies revolve around characters who pursue each other relentlessly. These movies often end at the moment that the happy couple finally gets together, perhaps to spare us the possibility that the couple might not like each other that much, despite wanting each other desperately.
A paper by Ab Litt, Uzma Khan, and Baba Shiv in the January 2010 issue of Psychological Science examined the role of rejection in liking and wanting. They found that missing out on getting an object increased how much people wanted to obtain that object, but seemed to decrease how much they liked it overall.
In one study, people had a chance to play an on-line game that might allow them to win prizes as well as tokens that could be traded in for prizes. All of the groups were given some tokens to start with. One group (the winners) was first asked how many tokens they might pay for the prize they could win (a $5 gift card). Then, they played the game and discovered that they won the prize. They played a second game and won additional tokens. The other group (the losers) played the game and found that they lost the prize. They were then asked how many tokens they might pay for the prize they had just lost. After that, they played a second game and won the prize they had previously lost. Finally, both groups were given the option to trade the prize they won for a gift card of the same value to another store.
So, in this study, there are measures of wanting and of liking. How much you are willing to pay for the prize is a measure of wanting, because it reflects what you would be willing to give up to get the prize. Whether you keep the prize when given the option to trade it is a measure of liking, because it reflects how much you want to keep the prize after you have gotten it.
In this study, the winners offered less money to buy the prize (before winning it) than the losers (who had just lost the prize). That is, trying to win the prize and failing made people want it more.
However, the winners tended to keep the prize when given the option to trade it, but the losers overwhelmingly tended to trade it away. So, even though the people who tried to win and failed the first time wanted the prize more, they seemed to like it less.
What does this finding mean for your life?
There are many things that can affect what you want. This work suggests that you should examine the factors that affect what you want. If your desire is being driven by a prior rejection, then you are in a situation in which you may want something that you ultimately will not be that satisfied in having. In that circumstance, you may be best off giving your initial strong desire a chance to cool off. That may help you to re-align what you like with what you want.