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I spent the last few days at the annual Behavior Genetics Association meeting in Louisville, KY. I listened to a fascinating series of papers that used twins to demonstrate genetic influence on voting behavior, temperamental traits and problem solving. I fully intended to summarize some of these studies for my next blog--but something happened today to alter the direction of this entry. I spent the morning with Steve, a single dad, who recently adopted two-year-old Larry. It turns out that Larry has an identical twin brother Ted, adopted by another family hundreds of miles away. Watching father and son, hearing the details of Larry’s brief, but eventful life history, and enjoying the pictures of Larry with his twin brother on the two occasions that they met provided considerable material for reflection. (Note: Names and other identifying information have been altered in the interest of privacy.)
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I have always believed that twins belong together, and still do. Twins meeting for the first time as adults describe anger, resentment and sadness at having been raised apart, often for the convenience of others. Most of these twins were raised in adoptive homes and while many had warm loving parents, they welcomed a meeting with a close biological relative. Over the years I have had a number of opportunities to serve as a consultant for legal cases concerning the joint or separate rearing of twins. With the exception of one rare pair involving a severely brain damaged twin, I always endorsed joint rearing. But things happen. Twin infants are sometimes separated, and the best that families can do is to bring the children together as often as possible.
A recent source of separated twins is China, where the One-Child Policy was enacted in 1979. This policy limited urban families to one child and rural families to two. Given the enormous value placed on male children in China, thousands of baby girls were abandoned and adopted by couples around the world. Among the children were separated twin sisters whose families find one another because of photographs and other information posted on websites. I have been studying these children, something I have mentioned in previous posts. But twins are separated in many places, not just in China. Larry and Ted came from another Asian nation. They lived together with their biological parents until they were five months old, then spent the next year in an orphanage and foster care facility. Ted was adopted at 13 months, Larry at 16 months. Neither family knew that their small son had a twin brother—until the families saw their photos on a website. A DNA test confirmed what everyone suspected—that the boys’ were identical twins.
I rarely see the separated twin children that I study because they live all over the United States. I have arranged for participating families to complete inventories and questionnaires by mail, and to have children undergo general intelligence testing by local testers. So it was a treat to meet Steve and Larry and to see them together. Fortunately for the twins (and for the twins in most of the other families I have studied), the parents are acutely aware of the importance of twinship and try to bring the children together often. This is not always easy, given the distances between them. This also means involving another family in everything from important decisions to summer vacations—but most parents have embraced this enthusiastically. The payoffs are considerable, mostly in the form of watching their child’s twin relationship flourish and evolve into a potentially close and caring bond.
Some people will wonder why one family did not take both twins. once twinship was discovered. This is a good question, one that has several answers. First, assignment of children to parents is done via adoption agencies and cannot be altered. Families attempting to make changes run the risk that both children will be given to other couples who may not be willing to bring the twins together. Second, the adoption process is lengthy and expensive, often lasting over a year and can cost thousands of dollars. Thus, considerable effort and sacrifice is required for foreign adoption. Third, the parents immediately fall in love with their children. The attachment between them is very strong, usually before the twinship is discovered. (This was clearly true of Steve and Larry—Steve had his eye on his son the entire time that we talked, and when Larry became upset he quieted down in his father’s arms.) To break that bond would be damaging to everyone involved. So the families do the next best thing which is to become part of one another’s lives. They should be commended for this.
As one mother told me, reared apart twins who know one another growing up are truly unusual. It will, therefore, be exciting to witness the developmental outcomes of the twins in my study as they age— Will they like the same things? Will they be friends? If they resent being apart, will they understand that it is because their parents love them?
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