Turning Straw Into Gold

Life through a Buddhist lens

A Bit of Holiday Humor to Brighten Your Day

Here are ten seasonal jokes that made me laugh.

I hope you enjoy reading these as much as I enjoyed gathering them.

An anonymous rhyme:

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care.

They'd been worn all week and needed the air.

Three riddles:

Question: What's the most popular Christmas wine?

Answer: “I don't like Brussels sprouts.”

Question: What’s a parents favorite Christmas carol?


Answer: Silent night.

Question: When does New Year’s Day come before Christmas Day?


Answer: Every year.

Two gift-giving jokes:

Christmas is a time when people get emotional over family ties, particularly if they have to wear them.

If Christmas, Father's Day, and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave would not exist.

 

Finally, my four favorites:

Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space. —Dave Barry

Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call. Richard Lewis

Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ. —Bart Simpson in The Simpsons

The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. —Johnny Carson

 

 

I wish for all of you a peaceful and restorative holiday.

© 2012 Toni Bernhard

Thank you for reading my work. My most recent book is titled How to Wake Up: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide to Navigating Joy and Sorrow.

I'm also the author of the award-winning How to Be Sick: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Ill and their Caregivers

Using the envelope icon, you can email this piece to others. To receive an email the next time I post, click here. I'm active on FacebookPinterest, and (to a lesser extent) Twitter.

Toni Bernhard, J.D., is a former law professor at University of California at Davis. She wrote the award-winning How to Be Sick and, recently, How to Wake Up.

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