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The Buddha didn't talk about "setting boundaries." It's a decidedly 20th-21st Century concept. The web is full of articles on how to set boundaries. I'm going to address the question of when to set them... Read More
Buddhism attracting narcissism...
No offense, as there are no doubt plenty of genuinely "enlightened" Buddhists, but it has been my experience, in western culture anyway, that Buddhism also seems to attract a lot of folks of the "narcissistic" persuasion. And I don't say this lightly, having been married to a woman who was eventually clinically diagnosed with NPD/BPD.
Although perhaps it's not so surprising to see the attraction of a belief system that emphasizes "navel-gazing" self-absorption, moral & spiritual "specialness", and as mentioned, conspicuously avoids "boundaries". And most significantly among the more narcissistic Buddhists I've encountered, I've rarely ever heard mention of that most essential of Buddhist principles, Compassion (aka, empathy).
To be fair, any religion or faith can be "re-purposed" to suit the unique needs of a narcissist. But IMHO, there's a difference between being just another version of "it's all about ME!", and the Dalai Lama's famous statement that "my religion is simple, my religion is kindness."
We must know different Buddhists...
We must hang out in different Buddhist circles because the Buddhists I know emphasize compassion as the most essential practice one can cultivate. In my book, I quote teachers such as Thich Nhat Hanh and Pema Chodron who have made compassion the centerpiece of their teachings. I don't doubt your comment that the Buddhists you've encountered have been of the "narcissistic persuasion," but it just doesn't coincide with my experience. Warmly, Toni
'tis true...
Agreed that all politics (and experience) is ultimately "local". And as I mentioned, am not suggesting that all western Buddhists are narcissists by any means... only that IMO, certain aspects of Buddhism seem to be very attractive to them, especially in American (and California!) culture. This is also not a new idea, as others, including the Dalai Lama, have specifically pointed to the dangers of individualism and narcissism in Buddhist practice. And BTW, simply saying, "well, I don't know anyone like that", seems to me little different than mainstream Christians who just ignore their more extremist (and narcissistic) Fundamentalist brethren. Indeed, aren't we all "our brothers keeper" (or as Buddhism teaches, "I am my brother")?
In any case, thanks for the thoughtful, useful (and timely) article!
Agree...
My husband and I are sitting together tonight having yet another discussion about how the people we know in our circle who call themselves Buddhists (very loudly and unrelentingly) are the most narcissistic people we know. One in particular is the single least compassionate person I have ever met. We decided to do a web search to see if there were other people feeling the same and came across this thread. Thank you for helping us feel as though we are not alone in thinking Buddhism = narcissism. Not in all cases, of course, just in the few Buddhists we know. I would love to give examples of this complete lack of empathy/compassion, but I'm afraid this might give away who these people are should they stumble upon this page. Anyway, thank you!!
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