Turning Straw Into Gold

Thank you Toni..This is a lovely piece. Although, I am never alone anymore, as my husband works from home. It's my mother i miss. but she is gone. That brings me great sorrow. And today is very sad for me because my dad was killed in World War 2 when i was just an infant. i missed so much. his loss devastated my life and my mother's and sister's life. He was a dentist. he had such dreams for his family. So the whole course our life was changed, and not in a good way. love yo to always ..jacquie

Thanks for this post.

Toni,
this is a wonderful take on alone vs. lonely. When I'm feeling strong and people comment that I have no family at all and am "all alone." I say, with humor, No, I am with myself and I'm good company. But when the illness overwhelms humor and well-being I do miss my father terribly. And am then reminded of his wise words about things that can't be changed: Want Something Else! And so I try to want solitude which is my life rather than wishing things had worked differently for me. This piece brings us back to the nurturing quality of alone-time/solitude as a comfort. Thanks so much. And the pictures are pitch-perfect.
Alida

Toni, Your article is timely. Several my patients have struggled with the pain of loneliness that has been imposed on them because of their medical and/or psychological condition. They struggle between a sense of guilt that somehow they have brought on the very thing that makes them suffer and the frustration that they can't fully control the thing that keeps them isolated. Thank you for your insight. I featured your article on my blog, Explore What's Next. I am sure my readers will appreciate the links.

My father died when I was 15 months old, the youngest of four. My mother re-married when I was four. I can't say my step-father was cruel or unkind, but I never really liked him very much. I am now 65 and was speaking to my eldest sister a couple of weeks ago when I told her that I always missed my father and had often wondered what different course my life would have taken had he lived. She was quite surprised as this was something we had never spoken about. I never found it easy to make friends when I was a child, I did have two close friends but did not like having them around to my home because my step-father would sometimes humiliate me in front of them. My parents both worked because there were six of us to feed and clothe, me and my three siblings, a step-brother and a half brother. My step-father worked on the gold mines and his working hours were from 4am to 1pm. My mum worked normal hours. I would come home from school, go into my bedroom and stay there until my mum came home. This is when,I realise, I learned to like my own company, and my refuge was a love of reading, something I have to this day. There have been times in my life when I have been lonely, but I have been blessed with a loving husband, two lovely daughters and two delightful grandchildren, all of whom I would never have known if my father had lived. If I had not learned to like my own company, I don't know how I would have coped with my illness and the solitude it brings. I love the pictures with your article, Toni, I did not realise that you had chosen them.

We've followed the same train of thought at times: I realized I wouldn't have met my Tony had my father lived because my family would have had enough money to send me to a private college instead of the public one where I met Tony. The mind can take us on such excursions!

I'm so glad you noticed the pictures. Yes, I go to Google Images and look for pictures that fit the post. I put the captions into the paintings. I spend a lot of time (fun time) deciding how to display them in the post! Warmest wishes to you, faithful reader! Toni

For the most part, I treasure solitude, because I've found that it can provide an extraordinary freedom and peace, which I've come to cherish. I'm blessed to have a caregiver and 4-legged companion - and I'm pleased when they head out.

My dearest friend died last March. I'm still grieving, as I miss him, his love, compassion and wisdom. With his death, there's no one left in my life with whom I can be as open and intimate with -and just knowing that connection is no longer there can be very distressing. I have to watch my thoughts, because I've realized that sometimes they go beyond grief to more self-centered states, or tap into an even greater grief re: being ill and housebound and no longer able to get out there to meet new friends. If the latter occurs, once I recognize what I'm doing to myself, I try to work with it. Mind can be very tricky!

Thanks so much for writing this piece and for creating your blog. There's a great deal of wisdom contained within, and I'm glad I've found it. I need it.

I like what you say Toni. But too much of even soothing solitude can be overwhelming. I've always been someone who loved being alone often, but this is beyond that.

If I had someone who'd visit once in awhile, relatives, something to provide a contrast to the solitude, then yes, it would be beautiful. I miss the give and take of giving and receiving -- asking for help, getting help. I do get some of this via email, but nothing can replace the actual presence of another human being.

There's literally no one who calls and only one rather self centered person I can call. I'm embarassed to admit things are so pathetic, but I'm not ready for the charitable church ladies.

I was able to get out more before. Hopefully will again. Even a visit to my local coffee shop breaks the isolation. Glad to share and read everyone's comments. Thanks for this forum Toni.

What a wonderful artist he was. Thanks for the lovely art you provide Toni.

I love the pre raphaelite period. Also love the much earlier della Robbia blue and white glazed reliefs of Madonna and child.

It's hard for me not to play the "yes but you have ...." game. The grass is always less lonely. Some days I feel blessed to have all this me time, other days not so appreciative.

I wish psychotherapists here made house calls. I can't commit to being someplace at the same time weekly. If you can't do that, can't use clinics. So I have to be my own therapist. Sometimes I want to fire me.

It's so good to share the frustrations and the good things here. Thanks Toni.