As we said in the previous blog, the primary intention of the Runaway is to run from anything that even slightly smacks of the family-of-origin issues, particularly
shame issues related to origins. But of course, from the outside looking in, anyone attempting to relate to Runaway will not know this--since the object of the game is to look like anything but the family-of-origin or its issues. Runaway might look like a commitment-phobe, or he might look like a worldly-wise global traveler, or an astute, business-savvy intellect who simply has no time for emotions. He may be quite wealthy, particularly if he came from poverty; multi-lingual, if running includes continental shifts; or even extremely sophisticated or powerful. All that is to say, he might be quite attractive to those whom he encounters. But when it comes right down to the meat of a relationship--he runs.
Ultimately however, as we said, Runaway runs home. No matter how far, how high, or how wide, she runs, she's going to land, at least psychologically, on the issues from which she is running. Inner longings will rise to the surface one too many times to be ignored yet again. Of course, as we said in the previous blog, these inner pulls can be aroused by many outer circumstances, such as getting involved in relationships that remind of the issues, or ending up in bankruptcy and the poverty she came from, or the need to face and deal with an addiction, or being left before she can manage to leave. When one of these or other circumstances like them arrive at the door enough times or with enough depth to finally grab the psyche of the runner, she may have no other option left but to deal.
Runaways, whether addicted or not, may have to hit bottom in order to see that they are running. So habituated are they with running that the belief has always been "I can outrun it all." But when emotional exhaustion sets in, and they become sick and tired of being sick and tired, sometimes the Runaway will stop and look around just long enough to find that he is knee-deep in the exact same stuff from which he's been running all his life. When this look-around comes, he may, because it seems there is no other option, decide to really look at it and/or even go to therapy to begin to question it. All too often, however, this short run into truth is found to be way too painful or shame inducing, he will find a handy escape plan and bolt.
Sometimes, however, something begins to ring true enough to hold the attention and the will of the Runaway long enough so that she can stand still and take it like a man. Sometimes, she even begins to see the inner journey as an adventure in which the quest is to find the Holy Grail of the Self. If this happens, she can begin to use that skill of running to run into rather than from. In this case, I've found that the Runaway will often dig deeper and climb higher than those who do not have the Runaway identity. She will, however, need to believe that on the other side of this journey is absolute freedom from shame.
It takes a certain kind of strength to run away from the hypnotic trance of despair and the pigpen of shame. First, it takes the ability to recognize that something is really terribly wrong with the picture one has obtained of family-of-origin issues. And second, it takes the ability to totally abandon the source of that vision. Not everyone has these strengths--and while ultimately such abandonment amounts to abandonment of the Self, the Runaway has a rather heady power to just see it and quickly put it behind him. That power can be utilized, if it's channeled correctly, in gaining clarity about what the issues really were.
For example, family-of-origin issues only become shameful when they are judged to be so. Usually the Runaway has, as a child, quickly assessed the world's view of the family and decided that the world view, rather than the family's view, is the correct one. And he quickly sides with what he perceives to be the world view. But what if the world view he's been holding all these years isn't really the whole truth of what happened in the family of origin. And what if there are real feelings of attachment to particular members of the family that have never been acknowledged or stored in any conscious compartment of living? What if, when tapped, these feelings of attachment are plummeted for their depth and gravity, so that they can no longer be denied. Then what? Where does all the judgment go then?
For the Runaway who decides to take this inner journey, there is no real danger of sinking into the mire of despair--unless she bolts only to run again and the despair catches up when she's exhausted. But even then, the Runaway will not stay in that place for long--she'll slough it off and find some new distraction to pull her out of the quick sand. So, she should know, before she begins the inner journey toward the Self, that that strength will keep her safe on the inner journey, just as it has on the outer journey. There is a skill, a real skill, in knowing how to stay out of the snake pits, tar pits and quick sand. That is why if the Runaway ever decides to take the journey, to traverse the inner terrain, she will really take that journey and come out the other side shame-free, and fully attached to the Authentic Self.
