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Always trying to escape that "Home-not-so-sweet-Home" feeling, Runaways are always running home. Mostly it's shame that makes Runaway run. Shame related to poverty, shame related to abuse, shame related to having one or two addicted parents, shame related to some imposition by the antics of the parents into the child's life, etc. The Runaway just cannot take that feeling of shame. The family shame has vomited itself all over Runaway and he now has to carry that horrid smell around with him at all times. That, or run. And so he runs. He runs emotionally, psychologically, spiritually and, eventually, he runs physically as well.
Ever heard the words geographical cure? These words are like music to Runaway's ears. There is a cure out there for the shame in here. Geography is everything. But before there's ever the geography of map, there's the geography of mind. So, here's how that works: Anything, and I mean ANYTHING that even slightly reminds Runaway of home, or her own internalized shame, will be removed from her experience. And there's lots of ways to remove something from the experience.
If you sneeze in a similar fashion to the way that mom--who was also a slushy drunk--sneezed, then Runaway will shame you so badly, that you will change how you sneeze. If you become emotional in a way that reminds her of her own emotions, or those of her family, she will say something akin to "get over it!" and walk away. Don't even come close to thinking that you can rely on Runaway to "be there" for you--cuz she's outta here, emotionally, psychologically and even physically.
If family was all "screwed up," then Runaway might become rigidly "healthy," dogmatically so, so that everyone is always being psychoanalyzed from a distant throne in the sky. Actually, everyone is being judged, and even ridiculed, and placed in categories that just fit the Runaway's need for distance from these people. This is the therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, medical doctor or healer who knows exactly what everyone else should be doing with their lives; who is very directive as a "helper" in telling others what they should do, but hasn't even begun to work on his own issues. He is the "High Lord" of helping. But actually, he's usually just a charlatan.
If family lived in dire poverty, because one or both parents were "screwed up," then Runaway might early in life decide that she's going to develop a career that will take her to the highest grassy plateaus of wealth. And once she's done that, she can look down on family all the more, saying "I did it, why couldn't you?!"
If Runaway felt trapped in an environment that was either suffocating or abusive, he might move to Ethiopia or Australia--the furthest reaches of the planet he can imagine--in order to escape that feeling of being trapped with shame.
The Runaway may even actually be a Runaway, running from sexual abuse or some other kind of abuse or neglect. This is usually an adolescent who must often then turn to the very sexual abuse--in the form of prostitution--that she ran from in order to support herself physically, and/or ends up being abused and neglected by a pimp. This literal example of how the Runaway mentality works demonstrates very clearly how it works on a psychological level as well.
The problem with all this running, then, is that it always leads back home. The geographical cure means that on a conscious level Runaway is playing a game with the psyche, in which total repression of anything "shame" is pushed down into the unconscious, to rise yet again on another day. It often arises through a surprise feature of a new relationship, which on the surface looks to be all that would remove Runaway from shame once and for all--but the partner ends up looking just like family. Or, the High Lord of helping develops a secret addiction of his own. Or, the wealth is used up and turned into bankruptcy. Or, the far reaches of Ethiopia, delivers the same exact kind of personalities Runaway dealt with at home. Or, the distancing from "being there" for others means that she ends up lonely and afraid--just like she was when she was growing up in her shameful family.
The good news is that this landing after the Runaway flight is meant by the psyche to lead the Runaway back to wholeness. Next blog, we'll learn how that happens.
