Amen, and slice me OFF a piece too !

Girl!
you are absolute FAB!
I thank you for being so brave and yes indeed, people can be so freaking ignorant, I am sure they would not ask their sister or grandmother the questions they would try to ask us sometimes....

I feel that the work you are doing is fantastic and it is really fighting transphobia in many hidden corners.
Blessings to you dahling!
A

I really enjoyed your invocation of a "would I ask my sister-in-law this question?" test. Perfect filter question!

Well your video has definately made me much more considerate towards TS people, as have just about all of my friends that I recommended it to.

I wish for you that one day the prejudice will come to an end. Love ya lots!

It is so very basic that it baffles me that there are people who don't get it. I wasn't brought up to be particularly aware of TG or TS people - it wasn't something my parents really knew about - but I was brought up to have some basic consideration for others.

You do a wonderful job. I'm only sorry that you have to do it.

This is the Bacon Man. Hi Calpernia. I love your blog. People are curious, and that's a good thing as it shows the ever-evolving society. However, curious does not have to mean rude. Rude people ask rude questions and that's a bad thing; it is no one's business to probe into someone's personal life.
Your You Tube video "Bad Questions to Ask a Transsexual: The Director's Cut" was as good video as was one of your videos to a guy who sent you a respectful but curious video response.
Anyway, I love you, I love your videos but most of all, the Bacon Man is proud of you and I am honored to be your friend.

Always,
Rob "Bacon Man 101" Kelley

Congratulations on your Blog Calpernia -- beautifully produced and crafted like all of your work that I've seen so far.

Over here in the UK I've watched a fascinating transformation in the self confidence and attitude of trans people and I'm enjoying watching the US version of the same thing.

I'm reminded that what I see mirrors the path taken by all minorities from the crushing experience of being society's 'outsiders' into gradual acceptance as just another part of nature's remarkable diversity.

Along the path some people give way with the gentlest of taps on the shoulder. Others protest angrily and are reluctant to change their views and give way to the newcomers. In turn, as the newcomers feel more accepted and confident there is an immense temptation to vocalise the anger felt when looking back at the journey from the new perspective.

It's immensely tempting in that position for the anger to get out of control. Every emergent community has their angry brigade -- with a score to settle for past suppression and indignities.

That's why I so admire the route you have taken to use humour as a way of gently rebuking people whose behaviour properly deserves a grovelling apology.

I think it takes immense character to approach change in that way. To avoid the temptation to let the justifiable anger take control. To invite people to share cake with you, rather than eating the humble pie you could be tempted to demand they consume.

I find in your work an immensely uplifting example of human dignity. To have experienced all the grief you've had and still come back with a gentle willingness to teach and invite the world to laugh at itself is unusual. Very few people can carry it off. You carry it beautifully.

(The URL here leads to an interview I recorded earlier this year with Callie, when she visited London)

Dear Calpernia,
Your blog is well written and thought provoking, as is your video. My experience with my own trangendered friends is that sometimes people will ask them rude questions they would never dream of asking anyone else. Just because a woman or man is transgendered does not give one a free pass for invading that person's privacy -- and you have expressed it very well here with your trademark style. Kudos to you -- and to Psychology Today -- for allowing you the platform to communicate this important message.
Best regards,
Gregory Mansfield
Chicago, IL

As usual, you express yourself eloquently and graciously, and get right to the crux of the issue. I couldn't agree with you more, and I'm so glad you're blogging for Psychology Today, as it means more writing from you for me to read and enjoy! Brava!

I am not sure what to say, I am but one person, you know me but then you don't. You are also but one person, people know you but then they really don't. People judge quickly and ignorantly, they see something they don't like and cringe. This is the difficult age, not to try and mention all different peoples situations but there were women who wanted to be able to vote, it was hard but eventually people got used to the idea. Black people wished to be treated as equals with there fellow person, gay people want to have equal rights to marry, and they will, transgender persons wish to be considered as an equal with other humans but for the time being the transgender community is looked at as a minority. Looked at like abortion was when it was first brought out to be legalized, people were sickened and disgusted by it, but over time everyone got used to the idea and it wasn't a big deal. This is the time of disgust and misunderstanding and violence towards transgendered persons, in the next ten to thirty years it will become more and more common. Then it will not be thought of negatively at all, the same as everything else, of the sort, that has come about. The more media that there is about something the more common place it becomes. Talking amongst ourselves is good and all but that is the same as going into hiding and agreeing with everyone else that is in hiding with us that we should defend ourselves.. while still staying in hiding. No one person can change the way the world looks at something, in order for it to become common place we need transgendered teachers, news reporters, public media show hosts, etc. People who will be seen constantly by the populous. Once those people are seen over and over and are found to be "safe" then people will open up to the idea of transgenderism (if that is the right word for that). Prejudice comes from the fear of something, if you don't understand something you are going to fear it and possibly defend yourself from it, or even attack it. Black people were and still are beaten to death because of prejudice, or, the fear of them. The same thing goes for people who are transgendered. You say that someone is transgendered and automatically a creepy thought comes to mind, like say an image of a bearded man that is wearing tons of makup, bright red lipstick, really dark eyeshadow/liner, and so on. That idea has to be removed, and it has to be replaced with a picture that is not grotesque, one that is more appeasing to the senses. So that when the word "transexual" comes up and appealing thought comes to mind, and then there is no problem and it is something that everyone is used to.

I couldn't have said it better myself, Callie! Congratulations on your blog! Well written, and well put! ***Standing ovation***

~Chloë

Very, very well done. We (and I mean including all the readers who are perhaps not yet ready to see themselves reflected) are lucky to have you. Your writing strikes the perfect balance between being a scalpel that slices in to reveal precisely the problematic thinking that hides beneath the surface, and a basic kindness and grace toward its host.

I particularly love this line: "to cast aside a scraping gratefulness at not being beaten to death.." There is a patient, implacable refusal to be addressed with anything other than complete respect here that really resonates.

As usual, you have a keen sense of the ridiculous and the gift of being able to write about it intelligently. You are a gem.

I totally agree with you. Those people who consider themeselves soooo priveledged as to ask whatever they want of whoever they want are really not worth my attention or anyone elses for that matter. There is not excuse for rudeness. Some people say that they are just being real, whatever that means, but "being real" is just another saying for I can say what ever the hell I want. I dont think so.

J.P.

I hate the word "transsexual" because it sounds like you are not a real woman or a real man, more something in between.
But it's very simple: If your soul is female then you are a woman and if your soul is male then you are a man. Some people are not born with the soul's corresponding body so they undergo expensive therapy's and surgery's to make their body match their soul.
Some people may be confused but if they really wanna know what's going on, they can look around on the internet, there is alot of information.
I as an example read Calpernia's Biography and looked on the internet to answer the questions i had on my mind.

Dirk :)

Hi Calpernia
As a fellow blessed angel, I offer congratulations on this extremely well written article.
You are an inspiration & helped me to find & live my real life after 47 years of torturous pain.
Thank you.
Love
Sophia
x

First and foremost, you are such an eloquent writer. Everything you write on this very personal and universal subject is at once delicate as silk and still sharp as a switchblade. With voices like yours out in the open, ALL communities - LGBT and otherwise - will continue to benefit. Brava, beautiful.

I frequently respond to questions with, "Do you really consent to hearing the FULL answer to what you're asking?" Because if I'm going to answer a rude question, I'm going to give an entire Trans 101 speech to them in the process! Usually the question is retracted, if not, they learn more about trans men than they wanted. Surprisingly I get rude questions more from trans girls than from "normals".

(I wrote the following to explain to a transgender femme friend that I could get what she was going through.)

Daddy's Little...Girl?

The heart that beats within my chest knows the same struggles as thine
For the body did not match the soul, face in the mirror wasn't mine.

Over thirty years ago, you see, a little girl came into this world,
On the surface, she was no different than any other, her hair ringlet curls.
That little girl was born like each of you, normal yet so different,
Brought up in a world, taught nothing of our kind, only intolerance.
She was Daddy's tomboy, gladly marked with more scars than any lil girl should bear
Mama made her cry, dressing her in clothes that didn't work, ones she hated to wear.

Defiant, headstrong, stubborn she grew, living dual even as a child
People read her internal struggle wrong, teachers just called her wild.

Decades later, can you believe just how much she has changed?
Finally he not she, with new clothes, new look, even a different name.

Daddy says I love you, no matter what. My children, they just rave,
What a change, now Mama throws the crying fit, knowing that I shave.

Lucas

I can't wait for the day when it isn't a big deal... when more people have someone in their lives that they care for who is trans and they won't be so quick to judge. Thanks for being a champion!

Transcendent: extending or lying beyond the limits of ordinary experience. ;-)

Here here.
This is really well put, Calpernia, and it's nice to see that you're just as good when you get serious.
Thanks for your eloquence and willingness to put yourself out there once again.
Brava.

Calpernia, thank you for continuing to educate people about the issues, prejudice, and ignorance of society. You are so wonderfully well-spoken and respectful of others in your writings which makes them easy to read. Keep getting out there and getting your voice heard. I hope to come to L.A. to see you someday!! You are a modern day role model and hero to many!

I saw the video, and while I agree with your premise, I couldn't help wishing the venom had been toned down a bit. Sure, a lot of it was indeed funny, but I thought much of the sarcasm was overly hostile and unecessarily defensive, and it left me wondering what you hoped to achieve [in such a venue]-- did you intend to educate or castigate?

Sure, you have every reason to be angry, tired, righteously offended, etcetera. I would be, too. But honestly, what did you expect the responses on YouTube to be like? What do you expect of the average person? Questions and comments like the ones you refer to are born of ignorance, disrespectful as it may be [OK, some of those questions are indeed over the top and I can only guess at the comments, but there's a point coming].

When you express shock at the depth of such ignorance, you will get nods of assent from people who already accept basic premises you do, or are at least eager to appear as if they do. In other words, the choir will applaud your sermon, as they will in a venue like this one [presumably older, better-educated, and politically liberal]. People who don't get it won't get it...because...they don't get it. When they don't get it and make mistakes from curiosity, however severe, people in your position have choices about how to respond. The curiosity [can be] a gesture, however clumsy.

It's not your responsibility to show patience and compassion for rude fools, nor to gently educate them, but one can hardly be surprised by hostile responses to hostility and condescension. It's also fine to take your own stance, but I wondered how you could presume to speak for all TG people, and dismiss and belittle those who chose to talk about certain things that, yes, perhaps shouldn't be asked, but nonetheless have been. Has it not occurred to you that there might be people out there who are simply more tolerant, and willing to handle impertinience in order to raise awareness? Or those who just like people in general more, even with their faults? It doesn't bother me that you discount the people that ask such questions, but it does bother me that you do the same for those who choose to answer them.

I represent one half of an interracial marriage, and live in a foreign country [my wife's] that is homogenous, intensely racist, and not particularly sensitive to other cultures in general. People ask my wife and me all manner of impertinent questions about our marriage and each other that they would never dream of asking if I had been born here and looked like them; questions which are rude by their own standards, as if I do not qualify for the rules of human interaction. No, I would never presume to compare the level of what I experience with what you do. But the analogy still works. People actually do ask how much money I make-- like, in taxis. People have asked my wife, with varying levels of directness, about the size of my penis. Not old friends whispering at the beauty parlor or over cocktails-- I mean acquaintances she's just met. We have the choice to respond with hostility or compassion; often we choose hostility--because we feel like it. But we acknowledge that choice.

I'll let you get back to work and do the same myself right after two last bits of clarification. 'Dialogue,' or lack thereof, referred to the comments you get from real people and how you respond to them--not the video. I was questioning the implication that I should keep my opinions to myself because I am not a transsexual. And I don't see where there's a distinction between a bookend and something else; someone taking the time to give honest feedback counts as support where I come from. Purely emotional support is nice, too, but it's easy and costs little, especially if it comes from where it's expected.