Transitions Through Life

Surviving every stage of life.

by Nancy K. Schlossberg, Ed.D

"Hit a Brick Wall, Congratulations"

The quote “Hit a Brick Wall, Congratulations” describes what C.E.O. Kyle Zimmer advocates. In fact, her organization sometimes gives awards for ideas that fail. This brought to mind a recent panel called “Leadership in an Unscripted World.” I was to discuss the topic from the point of view an individual moving through life without a known script. Read More

It Never Rains, But It Pours

I love blogging for Psychology Today. However, I have been unable to think of a new topic for my next blog. I began to analyze why I was blocked. I realized it was because I was in the midst of multiple transitions and could not focus on anything else. Although I have tried to stay away from personal stories, I think there are some lessons to be learned. Read More

Happiness Relates to Whether You Are “Off-Time,” “On-Time,” “Out of Time”

Johnette was happy. Her marriage was good, her son completed college and had his first job. Things were moving along according to plan. Contrast this with her best friend, Donna, whose daughter dropped out of school and eventually died of an overdose. As her friend said, your children should be burying you not the other way around. Another friend of theirs, fought breast cancer for a year. Read More

Happiness Is a Balancing Act

The balancing act goes on all through life. If you have small children, you are balancing work and family; if you have aging parents, you are balancing work, leisure and family; if you have a chronic illness you are balancing your health needs with the needs of others. Read More

Celebrate Failure– It's What Most of Us Do

Erma Bombeck wrote, "Failing is what most of us do...but we have still managed to go on breathing...I have several reactions when I hear people introduce me [with]...accolades...so glowing that I don't even recognize myself. I figure Mother Teresa just flew in...I would like to propose a new wrinkle to introductions. Instead of listing a speaker's successes, why not list the failures? Read More

“Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Who Is the Fairest of Them All?”

Clearly that is a question many are asking. Women, and now men, are flocking to plastic surgeons; anti-aging skin cream sells well even during hard economic times. In 2010 there were 84,685 surgical procedures like face-lifts, eyelid operations, liposuctions, breast reductions, forehead lifts, breast lifts and breast augmentations for those over 65 (New York Times, August 9, 2011). Read More

What Do Maria Shriver, Beef Ranchers and Medical Faculty Have in Common?

Maria Shriver, recently separated from Arnold Schwarzenegger, posted on YouTube, "As you know, transitions are not easy. I'd love to get your advice on how you've handled transitions in your own life. It's so stressful to not know what you're doing next. Read More

Romance Can Survive Job Loss—Keep Hope Alive

After the shock of being laid off from an advertising company, Allen's life fell apart. He had always been sought after; therefore, he had every expectation that history would repeat itself. Instead, he has been without a job for nine months. During this period, his depression enveloped him. His wife asked for a separation. The love he felt for his two pre-teen children kept him going. Read More

Feel Like a Failure? Maybe It's Just That You’re “Off-Time”

College graduates are moving home, the place they would least like to be. The reason: It's the economy, stupid! Dylan Suher, a recent college graduate defines his moving home as a failure. "The feeling that the natural order of life--that you become an adult and then you leave home--has been disrupted." Read More

Retirement Quiz: Will You Pass or Flunk Retirement?

As Sue considers retirement, she reported, "I know I will be a retirement failure. I've been struggling with the 'afterlife' for about five years; indeed, this is the most difficult 'transition' I have experienced, and it seems to be the case with many professional women of our ilk. We don't want to 'roll bandages.' What else is there?" Read More

Life on Hold: Transitions Waiting to Happen

"I haven't died on schedule" wrote Mark Trautwein in his New York Times opinion piece (Sunday, June 5, 2011, p. 8). After his diagnosis he lived his life waiting to die. Prince Charles has spent a lifetime waiting to be King. Read More

Location, Location, Location—You Are Where You Live

We constantly hear-location, location, location especially when realtors are discussing view, and neighborhood status. But there is a different way to think about location, location, location. Read More

When the Future Becomes Reality: Why Planning Ahead Doesn't Always Work

The conventional wisdom is that planning ahead for education, marriage, family, career, retirement pays off. Even though none of us can read tealeaves, we believe that planning, though unsettling, is a necessary guide to our future. So why is it so difficult? Read More

Don’t Sweat the Small Things: Another Name for Wisdom

There are certain concepts in our culture, which you know when you see it but find it difficult to define. One of those words is wisdom. I have begun asking everyone to identify wise people, and then to define wisdom. People have no trouble identifying wise people- Nelson Mandela, Albert Einstein, Mother Theresa, Eleanor Roosevelt, Ophrah. Read More

Bouncing Forward, Not Backward—A New Look at Resilience

The rubber band is often used as the metaphor for resilience. It indicates that once pushed beyond what you can handle, with resilience, you eventually bounce back to where you are. But is bouncing back the right metaphor? Will anything ever be the same for the miners who were trapped in the Chilean mines? Or for those devastated by recent events in Japan? Read More

Aging Successfully—Is It Hogwash?

Susan Jacoby warns in her new book, The Myth and Marketing of the New Old Age, that "Only a fool can imagine the best years are yet to come." Read More

Malcolm Gladwell's Concept of the Connector Works As a "What's Next Strategy"

People of all ages have questions about "what's next." Baby boomers have many questions. Can they afford to retire? Where do they want to retire? How to get meaning in their lives? Should they make a career change? Younger individuals question whether they are on the right path. And older people begin to question what they will do in retirement. Read More

Boomers Get a Life After Retirement

"What's next" is the cry of many boomers as they think about their futures. One woman said that she was terrified of retirement. "What will I do?" Another man could not wait to retire. He was an investigative reporter but had always dreamed of turning his hobby, art, into something serious. Read More

What the Jewish Princess Handbook Never Told Us

What happens when life does not follow the script? Think about the expectations we had for our lives that are blindsided. Read More

Grab the Tiger by the Tail

Ted Kennedy Jr. and King George V1 grabbed the tiger by the tail. They each fought through their seemingly insurmountable obstacles and survived. Read More

Even Happy Transitions Are Bewildering—But Why?

Why do happy transitions—like a wished for job or relationship—upset us? I interviewed a new college president about her transition. She was thrilled to be selected but wondered why she felt depressed after starting the new job. A newly married couple moved into their first home. Read More

Tearful Times, Cheerful Solutions--Beat the Holiday Blues

Holidays can evoke feelings of loneliness forcing people to confront what they want but don't have. Laurel cried as she told me that the second Christmas following her husband's death is more difficult that the first. The first year, family and friends surrounded her. The second year, her husband's death is not uppermost in anyone's mind but hers. She finds herself tearful. Read More

The Best Is Yet to Be, Maybe!

The poet Robert Browning wrote, "The Best Is Yet to Be." I have added the word, maybe. Maybe the future will be wonderful if we can figure out how to live well. Ted Fishman, author of the best selling book, Shock of Gray, wrote: "And while we will likely engineer ever-longer lives, can we figure out how to fill the extra years with vitality and joy? (2010, p. 14)." Read More

Saturday Night is the Loneliest Night in the Week--Does it Have to Be?

I watched Mikhail Baryshnikov dance at the 2010 Ringling Museum International Festival. He came onto a plain stage with nothing but a screen. Then he started dancing to a video of a young man dancing. And the young man was Baryshnikov at a much earlier age. He danced to his younger self. You saw three dancers-the younger, the older and the shadow. Read More

“When You Wish Upon A Star”—I wished on a star but never made it to Oprah

The song "When You Wish Upon a Star" promises so much providing hope and comfort. No wonder it is one of the most popular songs in the world. But what happens when what you wished for does not come true? Read More

“When You Wish Upon A Star”—I wished on a star but never made it to Oprah

A Happiness Strategy: Create a Strong Psychological Portfolio

In my previous blog, "My take on Happiness-The Need to Matter" I wrote, "You can have money and jewels, but if you feel sidelined, out of the loop you will be unhappy." The next question becomes "how can I create my own happiness"? I have found a happiness strategy--assess your resources and build on your strengths. Read More

Baby Boomers Aren’t Look-a-Likes

What do Larry the roofer (age 45), Michele the nutritionist (age 50) and Tim a bank vice-president (age 60) have in common? Larry is a blue-collar worker with a high school diploma; Michele is an upper middle-class woman with an MA degree; and Tim has a PhD in business. Yet they are classified as boomers and marketers treat boomers as a monolithic group. Read More

My Take on Happiness-The need to "Matter"

Articles and books about happiness are increasing. Well, My interviews with adult learners and retirees led to the following conclusion: happiness and "mattering" go hand-in-hand. Read More