Thinking Thin

Dr. Beck...enjoying your blogs this morning, reading through the past year...I think its interesting that your work led you to discover that American dieters need a totally prescriptive plan for weight loss...I 100% agree (isn't it sad we can't think for ourselves). I've been to several nurtitionists throughout my life for recovery from Anorexia. I believe there is a very fine line between my anorexia and 'correct' eating...my problem is the deprived thinking that accompanies the way I eat (much like a compulsive overeater...we both 'feel' deprived and limited...emotional emptiness gets linked to physical emptiness...except 'they' eat and I don't..or when I do, by the time I get to the actual, portion controlled, sad little meal, I feel starved and I leave the table hungry and terrified to eat anymore...I don't trust food or the calories in the food...wiht good reason..you can always have less than think you need). All the nutritionists and even personal trainors I've worked with always left the food choices up to me; some would suggest following a formula of percentages (carbs, proteins, fats), some would have me focus on getting enough iron (which for me, always leads to nose bleeds and/or constipation...no fun) but none ever gave me what I really wanted: Tell me EXACTLY what to eat, when and how much of it so I can stay a size 2. Tell me EXACTLY, for my body, how much I need to work out and the kind of exercises I can do if I want to burn off 3 slices of pizza and a 'real' brownie. I have no kids and I spend anywhere from 5 to 15 hours exercising each week. If I had a better 'prescription'(which would preferably be vegan, ethical and maybe even taste good) I could simply follow it to the letter every day with no guess-work and save myself immeasureable amounts of time, stress, worry, LIFE, happiness and counting. (middle class ladies who spend hours and years of life coutning the Points in their white zinfindel and 'fake' chemical filled 'frosted cakes'...depressing)
The mixed messages of weight loss and maintentence are maddening. Of course it 'shouldn't' matter if we gain or lose 5 pounds, but it actually does.
So, basically I need to keep thinking and then write my book so I too can afford a personal trainor and private chef and pay them to think about food for me...kind of like women who get pedicures or hire a house keeper...it really is the same thing; a daily chore... I am good (fair to obsessive) at maintaining my weight. I've done well at fitting into my pants, but it's basically my part time job...and it's exhausting sometimes...
blah blah blah...food.