Mental health professionals have the privilege and responsibility of helping people cope with and even master a wide range of life's challenges. Despite having at their disposal an impressive array of effective methods, techniques, and strategies, there is one specific intervention of potentially unparalleled power that, ironically, most therapists are loath to even consider. Namely, functioning as a "matchmaker."
Healthy human beings are highly social animals evolutionarily adapted to forming intimate pair-bonds. Thus, in some instances, perhaps beating back depression, conquering anxiety, overcoming panic, and/or mastering phobias can be seen as merely the starting point of psychosocial therapy rather than its end point. Maybe the true finish line can be viewed as enabling specific clients to enter into stable, intimate relationships that bring with them the chance for lifelong, loving companionship.
Indeed, one only has to consider the enormous and ever increasing popularity of dating websites and personal introduction services to recognize the tremendous importance that people place on seeking companionship. Yet, despite their popularity and mass appeal, these avenues for meeting people are generally very crude and inadequate when it comes to psychological screening and compatibility assessment. What's more, they are all profit driven, bottom line generating endeavors that are more concerned with making money than truly facilitating their client's or subscriber's relationship success and personal happiness.
Alternatively, trained, experienced therapists are in a far better position to objectively assess the psychological fitness and potential compatibility of two people without the financial conflict of interest that most dating services have. This is because most ethical therapists consider it a job well done when their clients finish therapy - they are not invested in keeping them in the process longer than necessary simply for a monthly retainer.
Hence, who better than a qualified mental health practitioner to arrange such meetings when appropriate? After all, not only would a therapist offering this service have no ulterior financial motives but he or she could rule out serious concerns such as character pathology (think narcissistic, sociopathic, histrionic, borderline, etc.) which all too easily slips through the net of superficial personality and compatibility tests.
Of course, as is the case with any treatment method or therapeutic intervention, the benefit/risk ratio must be carefully considered and the process must involve the fullest extent of informed consent.
Unfortunately, as I suggested above, due largely to their misgivings and rigid adherence to mostly antiquated and often unnecessary therapeutic boundaries, most therapists will reject the idea of therapist as matchmaker out-of-hand.
Now please keep in mind I'm not saying it should be a standard piece of equipment in the tool box of all therapists but rather that the blanket rejection of the idea might be a big mistake. Until "the therapist as matchmaker" technique has been given critical analysis and serious consideration, in my opinion, it should remain on the table as one of the single most important interventions any therapist can ever make - that is, facilitating the union of two souls each in search of a life partner.
For a more detailed discussion the interested reader might want to peruse:
Lazarus, C.N. (2002). The therapist as matchmaker. In A. Lazarus & O. Zur (Eds.), Dual relationships in psychotherapy. New York: Springer.
Remember: Think well, act well, feel well, be well!
Copyright by Clifford N. Lazarus, Ph.D.
