Think Confident, Be Confident

Cognitive Therapy techniques for eliminating doubt and achieving lifelong self-esteem.

Seven Simple Strategies to Effectively Attracting Others

The secret to attracting others is self-confidence.

imageThe secret to attracting others is self-confidence and it starts by believing in you. Whether you are looking for romance or friendship doubt can divert you away from your goals. Doubt unfairly tells you negative messages that are untrue. Doubt yells, "People won't like you, rejection is inevitable, you have nothing valuable to offer, or basically you just don't have it." Instead of listening to the bogus voice of doubt, turn your attention to the facts.

It's important to recognize that you have a lot to offer the world. Everyone has qualities that make them desirable to others. Think of yourself as a package filled with lots of characteristics and qualities. You bring to each social or professional situation a uniquely complex combination of: skills, smarts, problem-solving abilities, humor, expertise, likability, niceness, attractiveness, decency, and repartee. The key is to recognize that you have these skills and that they don't just disappear when doubt shows up. Below are seven tips for attracting others to you.

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Seven Tips for Attracting Others to You

1. Update your commodity list-- look at yourself as a whole package rather than the specific parts you don't like or you think are missing.
You are a composite of many characteristics including your physical assets, personality, interests, experiences, intellect, and skills, to name a few.
Sit down and actually make of list of all your desirable qualities. Come up with at least fifteen.

2. Consider that what you think is a short-coming may actually be an asset. You may wish you were taller, but the future love of your life might prefer shorter people. You may dislike that you are so easily moved to tears but others may appreciate your sensitivity. Just because you are down on yourself does not mean others are?

3. Pay attention to your list of desirable qualities by looking at your list often. Add to it whenever you can.

4. Inner confidence shows on the outside. Believing you are desirable and capable shows and people are attracted to it.

5. Remember we all have something to offer. We offer others: companionship, conversation, an ear, knowledge, attention, nurturance, information, love, advice, opinions, support, and a multitude of other things.

6. Update your opinion of yourself based on facts and not your feelings of self-doubt. Make a list of all the compliments you have recently received.

7. Let people see the real you. No one is perfect. Be real and you can relax and have a good time.
The Bottom Line

If you like hanging out with you then others will like being with you, too. Everyone has something to offer others and the only thing getting in your way of accepting that truth is fictional doubt.

Leslie Sokol,Ph.D., a licensed psychologist, is the co-author of Think Confident, Be Confident.

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