Therapist in Training

True-Life Tales About Becoming a Therapist

Getting cozy with ambiguity? Eh... maybe some day.

It's hazy, it's confusing... so why's ambiguity such a good thing?

Back when I was a journalist, I often felt like an expert in everything. Or, at least, everything important: city politics, local crime rates, news bizarre and banal. Given a few hours and a chatty public relations person, I could learn everything I'd ever want to know about property tax appraisals (too boring to recount), or about why Charley, a suburban terrier from GA, lost out on a national Dog of Valor award. (Leading your owner to a partially conscious man isn't valiant enough, apparently).
It was easy to feel smug and smart when I could ask questions all day and there were people who were getting paid to answer them. And there were always answers. Tax appraisal is based on scientific calculations, and Baby, a Great Dane from New Mexico, did, after all, rescue her owner after a car accident.

Getting schooled to become a counselor isn't nearly as black-and-white as my reportorial duties, and these days I find myself an expert in - well -- nothing. Counseling is mostly focused on the internal workings of the individual, not the external mechanisms of the community, and all my factoids about government haven't yet come in handy. I don't think they ever will. Our humming external world turns out to be much easier to get a grasp on than our varied and humming internal worlds. Surprise!

"Get comfortable tolerating ambiguity," a professor told my class early on, when we all started looking confused at the murky-grey hues of some ethics case studies.

"Really?" I wanted to ask, heart sinking. "Ambiguity?"

Where ambiguity lurks, my natural tendency is to pull out a machete and start clear-cutting my way to a landscape more, well, clear cut. That's how I ended up reporting news ... and why I ended up getting tired of reporting news. When you can understand all the angles and curves of something in an hour, how much is it really worth knowing?

It's easy to be drawn in by the feeling of mastery that accompanies us when we do small things well. But I'm starting to realize it's more valuable to be present with important ideas and ambiguous feelings than to fully comprehend those small things. So, here I am, in class, in the world, ready to try and let the ambiguity stand.



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Dana Goldman's recent quarter-life crisis took her away from her life as a teacher and journalist, and back to school to become a therapist.

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