I grew up with an extremely disfunctional, sick father and over the years I wondered about my relationships, but have come to realize that they may be a path to healing. Closure was not possible with him and he would not admit to or take responsibility for anything he'd done.

In my first relationship I face the demon of my father's physical abuse. This time I had the power to walk out on my own terms and stop it.

My sencond relationship faced his emotional abuse. And again over time I gained self confidence in who I was and ended that relationship on my own terms. Knowing I deserved better.

My current relationship is facing my fathers sexual abuse. Untill this relationship I could not face my own sexuality, and sex litterally made me sick. I'm learning that it's OK to feel sexual sensations and enjoy them. This relationship also faces the alcoholism that plauged my father. I know that in time this relationship will end and I will again walk away on my own terms learning very valuable lessons.

I know that no man will ever hit me agian, or belittle me again, and I know that I will not be in an alcoholic relationship again when I've completely come to terms with my current relationship and learned the lessons needed. Once I've conquered the demons from my past I'll be the resilient strong person I can be. Each time I feel stronger and more confident that I'm worth the life I want.

Two thoughts as you begin to explore this topic:
Is there a reason why you do not use the word "codependency?"
Sometimes people chase after others to "rescue" as a distraction from their own issues, a diversion away from doing their own needed inner work, a way to spend time and energy that feels like doing something important, but is really just a way to avoid what needs their attention.

Is the female version of this called the Florence Nightingale complex or is it just a closely related condition? Also, why didn't you feel it was nesseccary to seperate the condition into masculine and feminine forms? Surely each sex can identify in some way to the behaviour but will have their own unique motivations, goals, experiences with this type of relationship pattern based on their sex? Also, I would imagine that the implications of these relationships would be quite different for both sexes and the responses they would receive would entail completely different internal and externall reactions? It is my feeling that this could reach people in a more personal way if both sexes were presented with an archetype they could more closely relate to. I know I may be wrong, and would love to know how my thinking is misinformed.

I do appreciate the topic and look forward to following the posts, and probably buying the book.

On a somewhat related topic, do any of you have friends who cross the line from being helpful to being controlling? I think this could be part of a "White Knight" syndrome. For instance, I have a friend who, every time I mention something such as, "I need to get my hair cut," she'll immediately jump in with her hairdresser's phone number and/or offer to make the appt. for me. Or if I move into a new place, she immediately insists on "helping" me arrange and decorate it. Sometimes I like her ideas but other times I feel like she's controlling everything.

At what point to well-meaning help turn into stifling control? How do you deal with it?

Just food for thought.

I’m a little confused. Perhaps someone can shed some light for me. I’d heard of White Knight syndrome before, but applied differently. If White Knight syndrome is when someone is fixated on rescuing others, what label would be apply to the opposite? Such as when a someone becomes fixated on the person they perceive to have “rescued” or “saved” them. I know of many Police Officers, Fire Fighters, and Doctors who have developed "fans".

I’m a little confused. Perhaps someone can shed some light for me. I’d heard of White Knight syndrome before, but applied differently. If White Knight syndrome is when someone is fixated on rescuing others, what label would be apply to the opposite? Such as when a someone becomes fixated on the person they perceive to have “rescued” or “saved” them. I know of many Police Officers, Fire Fighters, and Doctors who have developed "fans".