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Anastasia Harrell
Anastasia Harrell
Friends

My Inconvenient Truth

When is it best to keep opinions to yourself?

A little girl receives unwelcome news

In most cases, a good friend is one who tells the truth. If I'm about to leave the apartment wearing a pair of bedazzled shorts with extra-long pockets that stick out the bottom, I am confident that (after about five minutes of riotous laughing) my friends will not only make me change, but they will also offer to burn the offending article of clothing so that it will never again attempt to harm me or anyone else ever again. It only took one ill-fated attempt at making mashed potatoes for a potluck for my friends to put to rest any dreams I may have had of being a professional chef. The truth isn't always the most pleasant thing to hear, but we appreciate and sometimes rely on our friends' honesty.

If honesty is so important, though, why is it unwelcome regarding a friend's relationship? Why is it okay for me to mock a girlfriend's "man laugh," but not okay for me to casually inform her that her boyfriend is a creep who, in all likelihood anyway, enjoys kicking puppies? If I think a friend's girlfriend is too controlling, why do I have to keep this observation to myself? As an invested, concerned friend, I often find myself in this situation, faced with only two options: tell the friend the truth, or tell him what he wants to hear.

Many a women's lifestyle magazine has stressed the importance of approaching the situation with care, informing the friend with poor taste in romantic partners that the knowledge we are about to drop is coming from a place of love. However, no matter how I try to phrase my concerns, I suddenly become a jealous, malicious shrew whose sole purpose is to break up a blissfully happy couple. Instead of really considering the legitimacy of a friend's concerns, these boyfriends and girlfriends spend their time defending their relationship to all the haters who are obviously just trying to stir up drama. In fact, it seems as though these dysfunctional relationships feed off of outsiders' pessimism. These friends whom we try to warn about their partner's poor qualities seem only more determined than ever to prove that their relationship will work, and that they do have good judgment, and that it was not a mistake.

I have learned that, when dealing with a friend's romantic affairs, it is best to keep one's mouth shut. Be a supportive sounding board and confidante, but keep the more elicit thoughts to yourself.

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About the Author
Anastasia Harrell

Anastasia Harrell graduated from USC in 2011 with a degree in psychology and communication, and in 2013 she earned a master's degree in clinical psychology.

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