The Urban Scientist

Should have known that! One of my favorite tv dramas!

Interestingly, i cant tell if you are friend or Frenemy! Great criticism, but not sure of the advocacy...

Hahahah! Awesome reply!

Great article, Dr Paul, as usual. Since we are talking about constructive suggestions, I was thinking that since you probably want to appeal to international readers as well as Americans, it might be interesting, when making a reference to something that happened in the US (in this case, the suicide of a teenager, or in previous articles, the Kayne West incident) if you were to make a brief explanation of what actually happened, so that those people who don't live in the US can understand what prompted the article, instead of having to use Google to find out.

Once again, great article.

Cheers!

Great suggestion thank you. I'll do some edits with links to explain the news story for our friends abroad!

Great article and as a friendly and caring person I feel the urge to tell you that it's "Ulterior" not "Alterior" although both make sense really ;) it's just a matter of correct English...no biggie. Thanks again for your interesting and helpful work and for trying to make the world a better place.

Interesting article-a lot to sink my teeth into.

Another aspect to look at would be family. How can you tell if they are true family?
Here are the critical questions:

1. Do they come to see you or do you have to go and see them?
2. Do they listen when you talk and voice constructive criticism when you are wrong, or is it destructive?
3. Do they only call to talk to you or come to see you when they want something?

I love that idea - looking at family, thanks. Might be a whole other post!

Sorry, I wanted to like your article, but it simply makes no sense. At best the reasoning is convoluted and doesn't clearly establish your thesis or distinguish between your argument and your conclusion. I'd appreciate a rewrite that makes more sense, because it's an important topic.

It is interesting that this important subject on differentiating among friends, frenemies, enemies and bullies is only generating petty criticisms like the length of the article, claims of "convoluted reasoning" and other trivial details.

I expected to see an appreciation of the subject and some comments on the categories and issues discussed in the article. When stripped down to its core, This article is an informative piece that tries to enhance social competence by helping people identify the different types of people they come into contact with and what they mean to them in a social context with regard to advancing or diminishing their wellbeing.

Good Job Dr. Paul.

Dr. Paul -- I sent this to many people. Teaching what maturity is, is a great idea; however, it isn't politically correct or sensitive to "cultural tolerances" or whatever the PC take is...And, it's difficult to teach children because so many of their parents are themselves incompetent at boundaries/maturity. Books on raising kids teach that setting boundaries will hurt self esteem. We have several generations in America of boundary-less people with really high levels of self-esteem. I think you could take the subject much more globally: America has grown into a country that doesn't showcase any values, like maturity, honor, integrity or exhibit respect for other's personal boundaries at school, in the family setting, at restaurants, performances, airplanes, work.....It's a big subject.

Hi, I recall a study made into the psychology of bullying that found that bullies were quite happy and well adjusted but had over stepped the bounds of socially acceptable group hierarchy enforcement?

Thanks for the article it is clear, positive and provocative. The comment about people who leave us with a feeling of shame was very well put.

Agreed both of you. Instead of calling it "maturity" or good boundaries, I suppose you could couch it in the term "personal growth" and still appeal to the "self-esteem" movement folks.

It is what it is though. I was told tonight about a book called "Generations: the Future of America," so I might check that out to see what others are saying about a generational drift in teaching the mechanics of character growth in layperson terms...

Thank you,

DP

Okay, so I feel I have had a falling out with a friend now frenemy. It's like when Clark was friends with Lex or Peter Parker was friends with Harry. Circumstances behind my own fall out, obviously, don't mimic comic book plots...however, the magnitude of hurt this situation has caused me has created a huge meteor in my heart even Superman and Spider-Man together can't save me from.!!!

Twitter, my one refuge, has all been about spreading love. I have never used it as a means to discredit or belittle anyone particularly of their insecurities or character. And yet, my distancing myself has caused this frenemy to "lie" and back track on her tweets which contradict themselves. Her "lies" only reveal more of the truth about how she feels about me but tries to hide.

I admit that maybe there are some things I should be accountable for, but to explain it to her I already predict her unwillingness to listen. It's a lot to take when someone you value makes you feel unworthy by welcoming another person with gestures of excitement...I might as well be invisible.

Sorry for my lengthy reply. I don't mind the length of the article...In fact, there should be more studies and books pertaining to this phenomenon. It can address one of today's sources of stress!

Thanks for the article, to me it is really helpful in clarifying my thinking. Much appreciated : )

Hate to be the bearer, and all, but the term "Frenemy" can be traced, in print, to at least the mid/late 1950's, US. The term did not originate with "Sex and the City"