- Home
- Find a Therapist
- Topic Streams
- Get Help
Mental Health
Addiction
ADHD
Anxiety
Asperger's
Autism
Bipolar Disorder
Depression
Eating Disorders
Insomnia
OCDPersonality
Passive Aggression
Personality
ShynessPersonal Growth
Happiness
Goal Setting
Positive PsychologyRelationships
Low Sexual Desire
Relationships
SexEmotion Management
Anger
Procrastination
StressFamily Life
Adolescents
Child Development
Elder Care
Parenting
SiblingsRecently Diagnosed?
Diagnosis Dictionary
- Magazine
- Tests
- Psych Basics
- Experts
Many notice that at holiday times, inexplicably, families sometimes erupt in arguments and drama. Could it be that there is a belief that thanks, appreciation and forgiveness are somehow "surrendering," "selling out," or "betraying ourselves?" Let's consider whether in fact these high character acts are actually forms of anger, not weakness, and are perhaps the most self-championing ways of dealing with anger to improve our lives. Read More
Do not expect me to be responsible for your happiness.........
......has become a very popular comment between individuals within the last few years. Perhaps what you would call a little "boundary assertion?"
I loooovve this article, Dr.Paul, one of my very favorites of yours in Psych Today so far! (I even did the drawings.) Perhaps because this really hits at the core of our every day existence in how we relate not only to the world and to each other, but to our own selves as well (and I feel our most important relationship.)
Very important to pay attention to our FEELINGS. But how to deal with them--that's where mature skill, patience and communication become just as important.
Thank goodness for anger--those dissatisfactions we feel stimulate and fuel our progress on many levels (if and when we take advantage of them.) What you are calling "mothering ourselves" has always been the term "self-nurturing" to me. Without some measure of anger, we can become too complacent or even outright "lazy." Think you not? I would think those who are best at self-nurturing likely have the highest self-esteems-and the most to bring to the table to share with others.
I rely on a feeling I call "grace" (or the ease of being in a certain situation or relationship.) Not scientific, but it works for me as my barometer for change or "assertiveness" instead of waiting to be kicked in the pants by being really pissed off. When I feel the "grace" leaving, I know it's time for a change or new action.
Not unreasonable to desire and receive some nurturing from others. However, is a kindness to communicate that to someone ahead of time instead of expecting someone to read one's mind. Is also a kindness to show appreciation in return, for what they receive from someone (or even one's Creator) is actually a "gift" and deserves some appreciation.
If you have time....
Is your model of anger also from your boundary instruction in MindOS if someone wanted assistance in this area? Where could they access this? Does this cover more about how to develop some skill in assertiveness as well as forgiveness?
Nicely written article.
Thanks Cheryl
Yes, it's from MindOS, which is at www.womenshappiness.com/courses, for women.
And thanks for putting so much thought into your comments.
Post new comment