The Urban Scientist

Media

How to Find Kind, High-Character People on Social Media

Paul Dobransky M.D. on March 29, 2023

Good people to have in your life can be found on social media—using two hidden parts of personal boundaries.

Good people to have in your life can be found on social media—using two hidden parts of personal boundaries.

Narcissism

3 Tips to Use Children's Television to Help Counter Narcissism

Paul Dobransky M.D. on December 6, 2022

In post-pandemic times, when children's mental health is suffering, a television series stands out with helpful advice on narcissism, anxiety, bullying, and other challenges.

In post-pandemic times, when children's mental health is suffering, a television series stands out with helpful advice on narcissism, anxiety, bullying, and other challenges.

Relationships

Helping Men

Paul Dobransky M.D. on December 9, 2012

How to help men with unique problems.

How to help men with unique problems.

Embarrassment

Ariadne's Thread - The One, Male "Deal-breaker"

Paul Dobransky M.D. on June 5, 2012

Ancient myths might speak to universal behaviors in more than a gender-neutral way, and while women have many "deal-breakers" on whether to date or marry a man...

Ancient myths might speak to universal behaviors in more than a gender-neutral way, and while women have many "deal-breakers" on whether to date or marry a man...

Friends

Who Is the "Animal" on a Date? The Badboy or the Life of the Party?

Paul Dobransky M.D. on May 10, 2011

Are you dating a "good boy" or a "badboy?" Or is your man "The Life of the Party?" We'll look at what makes them the same, what challenges they face, and some new ideas about what masculinity even is...

Are you dating a "good boy" or a "badboy?" Or is your man "The Life of the Party?" We'll look at what makes them the same, what challenges they face, and some new ideas about what masculinity even is...

Extroversion

Sex and the City as Your Personal Matchmaking Tool

Paul Dobransky M.D. on June 2, 2010

Sometimes a well-loved drama is so well-drawn, that it teaches as well. Sex and the City can be fashioned as a practical tool that any woman (or man) can use as a hobbyist, to learn to be their own perfect, personal matchmaker.

Sometimes a well-loved drama is so well-drawn, that it teaches as well. Sex and the City can be fashioned as a practical tool that any woman (or man) can use as a hobbyist, to learn to be their own perfect, personal matchmaker.

Embarrassment

From Being Ashamed to Being Empowered

Paul Dobransky M.D. on May 10, 2010

Have you ever felt judged, shamed, gossiped about, but not sure what to do next? If you ever felt wounded to the bone - this is how to deal with it.

Have you ever felt judged, shamed, gossiped about, but not sure what to do next? If you ever felt wounded to the bone - this is how to deal with it.

When confused about whether another person is right for you, the character trait of curiosity goes a long way. In a social market where desire, love, and fitness for partnership are often confused, this single feature of personality can be proof of a great mate as early as the first date.

The experiences of adulteress have much more to teach us than the mere sensationalist news stories about the next lothario du jour. In the end, practical lessons for future relaitonship success can come directly out of casting a scientific eye to the very source of infidelity's pain.

Confused about whether to call someone a "frenemy"? It turns out that getting clarity, identifying the taxonomy, taking action, and putting it to rest is easier than you ever thought.

Anger

Is Giving Thanks a Form of Anger?

Paul Dobransky M.D. on November 25, 2009

Many notice that at holiday times, inexplicably, families sometimes erupt in arguments and drama. Could it be that there is a belief that thanks, appreciation and forgiveness are somehow "surrendering," "selling out," or "betraying ourselves?"  Let's consider whether in fact these high character acts are actually forms of anger, not weakness, and are perhaps the most self-championing ways of dealing with anger to improve our lives.

Many notice that at holiday times, inexplicably, families sometimes erupt in arguments and drama. Could it be that there is a belief that thanks, appreciation and forgiveness are somehow "surrendering," "selling out," or "betraying ourselves?"  Let's consider whether in fact these high character acts are actually forms of anger, not weakness, and are perhaps the most self-championing ways of dealing with anger to improve our lives.

Depression

The New Female-on-Male Violence?

Paul Dobransky M.D. on September 21, 2009

Is Female-on-Male Violence on the rise? Or is it just a matter of each gender's perception of what violence and abuse really are?

Is Female-on-Male Violence on the rise? Or is it just a matter of each gender's perception of what violence and abuse really are?

Media

Never Get "Kanye'd" Again

Paul Dobransky M.D. on September 17, 2009

If you have ever wanted to avoid being "Kanye'd," it's just a matter of solid personal boundaries.

If you have ever wanted to avoid being "Kanye'd," it's just a matter of solid personal boundaries.

Relationships

The Scientific Explanation of "Cool" (or Unexpected Lessons of Jude Law's Hamlet)

Paul Dobransky M.D. on August 21, 2009

Who would stop to think that we could actually scientifically define what it is to be "cool," and learn about the most core learned human skill - one without which it is impossible to grow, change or mature? That would be valuable to anyone from age nine to ninety.On a work vacation to London, the longest of my life, I chanced across an opportunity to see Jude Law, in his final three days of Hamlet. All the ways of growing your own skill at what is called Observing Ego are put on display, the very ability which grows your character, and gives access to the rewards of life.

Who would stop to think that we could actually scientifically define what it is to be "cool," and learn about the most core learned human skill - one without which it is impossible to grow, change or mature? That would be valuable to anyone from age nine to ninety.On a work vacation to London, the longest of my life, I chanced across an opportunity to see Jude Law, in his final three days of Hamlet. All the ways of growing your own skill at what is called Observing Ego are put on display, the very ability which grows your character, and gives access to the rewards of life.

Depression

Did Depression Double? Did Healing Double? Or Did Profit Double?

Paul Dobransky M.D. on August 6, 2009

Antidepressant use in America has doubled. Does this mean there is more awareness?  More healing?  More depression occuring? Or simply more advertising profit? The Biopsychosocial model has been a sturdy guide to healing for therapists and patients. Is the model broken by drug advertising?

Antidepressant use in America has doubled. Does this mean there is more awareness?  More healing?  More depression occuring? Or simply more advertising profit? The Biopsychosocial model has been a sturdy guide to healing for therapists and patients. Is the model broken by drug advertising?

Relationships

Creating Gentlemen

Paul Dobransky M.D. on August 4, 2009

What if this unmet need is a core cause of flagging marriage rates, divorce, and general romantic dissatisfaction between men and women?

What if this unmet need is a core cause of flagging marriage rates, divorce, and general romantic dissatisfaction between men and women?

The recent film The Ugly Truth may be sugary-sweet and formulaic, but there is a refreshing and beautiful honesty in looking at its issues between men and women.

Depression

What 100,000 People Really Think of You

Paul Dobransky M.D. on July 15, 2009

What would you do if you knew that 100,000 people had an opinion of you that was pretty much in agreement?  And you had no idea what it was?  You couldn't email, Facebook, call or text to find out. You'd have to meet them in person.

What would you do if you knew that 100,000 people had an opinion of you that was pretty much in agreement?  And you had no idea what it was?  You couldn't email, Facebook, call or text to find out. You'd have to meet them in person.

Trauma

The Bridges of Sanford County, Part II (Or "The Devil in the Details")

Paul Dobransky M.D. on July 7, 2009

In cheating, did "the devil make him do it?" Or is it simply that we need to understand sexual attraction is not a choice? The passions are irrational, illogical, and immune to ethics, boundaries, and civil character. If we drop the moralizing, politicizing, and special interest agendas, we might just come to understand this romantic force, and place this "devil in the details" in our service as a couple instead.

In cheating, did "the devil make him do it?" Or is it simply that we need to understand sexual attraction is not a choice? The passions are irrational, illogical, and immune to ethics, boundaries, and civil character. If we drop the moralizing, politicizing, and special interest agendas, we might just come to understand this romantic force, and place this "devil in the details" in our service as a couple instead.

Relationships

The Bridges of Sanford County, Part I

Paul Dobransky M.D. on July 7, 2009

Could the Governor of SC be the Meryl Streep of scandal-ridden politicians? Men and women are sometimes judged for cheating by very different standards - compare the latest scandal with the well-loved romance, The Bridges of Madison County. A new look at Mark Sanford may point toward lessons, rather than just more moralizing, politicizing and the same old story: "Man cheats. Man found out. Man profusely apologizes, leaves job, goes home in shame and possibly, divorce."

Could the Governor of SC be the Meryl Streep of scandal-ridden politicians? Men and women are sometimes judged for cheating by very different standards - compare the latest scandal with the well-loved romance, The Bridges of Madison County. A new look at Mark Sanford may point toward lessons, rather than just more moralizing, politicizing and the same old story: "Man cheats. Man found out. Man profusely apologizes, leaves job, goes home in shame and possibly, divorce."