Dating can seem like an impossible puzzle to those on the autism spectrum
Many young adults with
Asperger's,
Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and other learning differences have had limited experience with
dating and developing meaningful relationships. Although they may have had occasional dates arranged by
parents and friends, these teens will need guidance as they piece together the often puzzling process of dating and building long term relationships.
Young adults on the spectrum see neurotypical teenagers in fulfilling relationships on television and would like to replicate this experience in their own lives. Unfortunately, young people with learning differences often lack the social skills that are required to build lasting connections with peers. They need to understand most relationships develop from friendships and common interests.
For example, if a young adult with Asperger's Syndrome enjoys cooking and has a friend who also has an interest in the culinary arts, the student can invite him/her to cook a new recipe together and share a meal. The next step could involve researching a local restaurant and making reservations. After the meal, the couple could discuss the experience and set a date to cook a new recipe together.
Additionally, teens with ASD need to learn about the unwanted consequences of unhealthy interactions that are based solely on sex or physical gratification. They need to understand that these experiences can sometimes lead to further social isolation and that most successful long term relationships are monogamous. Individuals working with these young adults can illustrate this concept through examples of how power in relationships can be misused and how to handle unsafe or abusive situations.
Some of these young people may feel so desperate for acceptance that they become connected with someone who is inappropriate. Parents, teachers, mentors, and others working with young adults with learning differences should create a dialogue about how healthy and age appropriate relationships develop.
Young people who have learning differences should be encouraged to tell their family about their desires and intentions. In addition, these teens should schedule an appointment with the health center at school or with a local physician to obtain safe-sex information. When a student does not want to share this information with their parents; counselors or advisors can help them make appropriate decisions.
Most young adults on the spectrum need support and guidance as they piece together the process of dating and successful relationship development. With guidance, understanding and better communication skills, these bright young people can learn to experience meaningful relationships and lead fulfilling lives.
About the Author: Michael McManmon, EdD, has 35 years of experience working with young adults age 18-26 who have learning differences. He is the Founder of The College Internship Program (CIP) (www.cipworldwide.org), a post secondary program with 6 Centers nationwide that serves this growing population. CIP helps young people with learning differences make successful transitions from adolescence to young adulthood.
