The Time Cure

New approaches to overcoming PTSD, depression, and anxiety

Men, Sex and a Loving Time Perspective

Phil Zimbardo speaks to guys about the importance of romance.

When it comes to sex, guys get a bad rap.
When it comes to sex, guys get a bad rap.
Googleimages.com
Guys get a bad rep for being crude, lewd and silly dudes, when it comes to sex. In the old “battle of the sexes view”, guys just want to get laid, with no strings attached, and in the extreme, with getting off as quickly as possible -- as if they were in a porn video.

It is time to change that conception by creating a new seriously sexual sensitive self-image with YOU as the co-star of a romantic, erotic adventure. How? Tune in; turn on to what is your new script.

Find a Therapist

Search for a mental health professional near you.

 

Creating an Enchanting Romantic Sexual Experience

Ok Guys - let’s put our minds to this idealized adventure. It will require blending what is best with being moderately future-oriented, adding a good slice of present hedonism, with a dash of past positive. That means combining some thoughtful planning ahead, bringing into now whatever good experiences you have had from the past, and then allowing yourself to become totally immersed in the magic of the passionate moment of Now. Assume that you are with someone who is lovely and loveable, with whom you want to continue to share your romantic desires beyond this night or day. So, Take Time to Do it Right. Start by looking good – it’s important to take time to groom yourself well. Now here are some Keys to the Kingdom of Delicious Desire:

 

Communicate Your Expectations…

And remember to solicit your partner’s views, negotiate, bargain in a friendly, even fun way so that you both feel like equal partners in this venture. Respect the vulnerability of nakedness, and also the revealing of what is most private to viewing and sharing. Clarify issues of contraception, and Be Prepared, as every Scout knows is rule #1.

 

Put your ego on hold…

As you focus first on what you can do to make your partner feel at ease, cared for, and yes, go all the way to even feeling adored. Avoid too much alcohol, but a glass of good wine, port, sherry, or brandy can be enjoyed fully. Maybe prepare some special treats, like delicious chocolate truffles, being ready with both milk and dark varieties, for either of her preferences. If you have made dinner first, keep it light so the deserts can be more fully appreciated. And of course, dinner means candle lights, fresh flowers, soft background music, small portions, peppered with prepared questions that enable you to know her better, and add some personal sharing of your background. Now it is time to move to the love space you have prepared.

 

Introduce lots of foreplay in a variety of ways…

Slow dancing to soft music, like Johnny Hartman for Lovers. Then gentle kissing on cheeks and neck and ears and lips, while slowly starting to disrobe. Maybe next a hot sudsy shower or bath, to clean up your act and raise your joint arousal level. Next, your present hedonistic-self kicks into high gear by asking if she might enjoy a massage; if ‘yes’, then firmly begin massaging each part of her back and front, with specially chosen hot oil, not sticky, that lubricates dry skin, especially her most sensitive private areas. Touch, nibble, and kiss every part of your lover’s enticing body, doing so with an invitation to reciprocate. Now the scene is set for you to be the man you want to be, to take charge of this loving sexual enchantment, to get totally into the Flow of the Go.

 

As with everything in life, practice makes more perfect, especially practice with solicited feedback from your partner, your Co-Star. Make Time to Make Love. Make Love to Discover New Meaning in the Times of Your Life.

 

Check out our other columns regarding sex and time perspectives: Want a Better Sex Life? http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-time-cure/201303/want-bet... It’s Time for Sex! https://my.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-time-cure/201303/its-time... Sex Talk for Women (Mostly) Part 1, http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-time-cure/201303/sex-talk..., Sex Talk for Women (Mostly) Part 2 https://my.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-time-cure/201304/sex-talk...

Take the Zimbardo Time Perspective Inventory at www.thetimeparadox.com to discover your personal time perspective.

Visit our website, HYPERLINK "http://www.timecure.com/" \t "_blank" www.timecure.com, to view a free 20 minute video - The River of Time; you’ll learn self-soothing techniques as well as how to let go of past negatives, work towards a brighter future, and live in a more compassionate present.

See The Time Cure: Overcoming PTSD with the New Psychology of Time Perspective Therapy HYPERLINK "http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/psychotherapy" \o "Psychology Today looks at Psychotherapy" Therapy (Zimbardo, Sword & Sword, 2012, Wiley Publishing); for strategies to reduce stress and improve communication, visit HYPERLINK "http://www.timecure.com/" \o "www.timecure.com" \t "_blank" www.timecure.com and HYPERLINK "http://www.lifehut.com/" \o "www.lifehut.com" \t "_blank" www.lifehut.com.

 

Photos: googleimages.com

 

Rosemary K.M. Sword and Philip Zimbardo are authors, along with Richard M. Sword, of The Time Cure: Overcoming PTSD with the New Psychology of Time Perspective Therapy.

more...

Subscribe to The Time Cure

Current Issue

Love & Lust

Who says marriage is where desire goes to die?