I was unaware of the Television Learning Channels reality show, "Tiaras for Tots," until I saw this tragicomic clip from
CNN's Anderson Cooper's blog. It's about the
beauty pageant moms who put their daughters on this very harmful and destructive show that caters, to a large degree, on voyeurs hungering for perceived excitement missing from their own lives.Cooper highlights the abusiveness and self-serving
narcissism of these beauty pageant moms. He notes that aside from the physical abuse of the children (such as the five year old girl whose mom had her eyebrows waxed, despite the skin being burnt off her face), the children suffer psychological abuse because they are deprived of the joys of
childhood. Cooper suggests, wisely in my opinion, that these moms need to give their daughters time to just be kids, play with dolls and baseballs and chemistry sets. He states that these girls have plenty of time before facing the idealized and superficial images of women our society demands.
There's something oxymoronic about a TV network named "The Learning Channel" broadcasting a perverse show called "Toddlers and Tiaras." The American publics' hunger for this kind of titillation highlights one of the factors contributing, I think, to the fact that "The Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development places the United States 18th among the 36 nations examined in secondary education. " A more serious problem and risk for the children on this show is that they then become at risk for becoming fodder for sexual predators. Their mothers turn a blind eye to the dangerous aspects of sexually exhibiting their young daughters. In an article on Fox News.com journalist Hollie McKay interviews Dr. Nancy Irwin, a psychologist in Los Angeles. "As a treatment professional of sex offenders as well as victims of sexual abuse, I would like the parents of these little girls to assume responsibility for their choices. They are sexualizing their young children. Do not be surprised if your child is preyed upon as a result of this high degree of visibility." Men can pose as agents/managers and track you/your girl down through the show. Further, know that they will be pleasuring themselves while looking at your daughter's You Tube clip."
Clearly these mothers are living vicariously through their daughters, hoping the girls will receive the attention and accolades they do not get in their own lives. The moms try to cure their poor self-esteem and hunger for admiration by making up and dressing their young girls in inappropriately scanty clothes. They put make-up on their daughters, without realizing that they are, in effect, pimping out their own child. There certainly is no evidence that these toddler beauty pageants create anything but future narcissists who will not know how to get along in the world. This is because once the pageant is over, the little girl is no longer a tot with a tiara, yet expects the world to treat her like a queen.
On the flip side of the beauty pageant moms we find Amy Chua, Yale Law School professor and author of the controversial book, "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Chua attacks the American parenting style as feeble and pathetic, resulting in cuddling of our children. Chua demands straight A's from her daughters, not allowing them sleepovers, play dates with other children, or to watch TV and play video games, thereby denying them, much like the beauty pageant moms, the pleasures and joys of childhood.
David Brooks, in an Op-Ed in the New York Times called "Amy Chua Is A Wimp" puts forth the opposite opinion of that of most of Chua's critics. He believes she is coddling her children in that "she's protecting them from the most intellectually demanding activities because she doesn't understand what's cognitively difficult and what isn't. Practicing a piece of music for four hours requires focused attention, but it is nowhere near as cognitively demanding as a sleepover with 14-year-old girls. Managing status rivalries, negotiating group dynamics, understanding social norms, navigating the distinction between self and group - these and other social tests impose cognitive demands that blow away any intense tutoring session or a class at Yale."
In essence, both the beauty pageant moms and the tiger moms are putting their own needs and aspirations over their children's. Youngsters need to discover themselves and learn emotional and social intelligence through peer interaction, group activities, and cooperation. Just as the beauty pageant moms teach their children that their value is based on physical attractiveness, the Tiger Moms are teaching their children that their value is in academic overachievement. Children need to prepare for adult life by navigating the struggles of being a child in a social world. These kids need to develop resilience and achieve autonomy in preparation for adult life. They need to wrestle with the all-important tasks of dreaming their own dreams, discovering their own aspirations and interests, and learning how to manage themselves in interaction with their peer group in preparation for the people skills demanded in grown-up life.
