The Therapist Is In

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Mark Sichel is a psychotherapist in New York City and the author of Healing from Family Rifts. See full bio

September 10, 2008, Therapy

9/11: Never Forget, But Is It Always Helpful to Remember?

Never Forget 9/11, But Is It Always Helpful to Remember?

In an article in the London Times this week, journalist Catherine Bruton writes about what she calls 9/11 Fatigue. The story is about the more than 3000 children who lost their parents in the 9/11 attacks. It’s just one small item in the media blitz that occurs around September 11th each year. In a web search done randomly for the last few days, I’ve discovered that one article about 9/11 is being produced every minute on the days preceding the anniversary.

Fatigue is a perfect description not only of what these children and their families are going through, but all the survivors of the trauma as well: people who escaped from the towers that day and the families who lost loved ones. People who were evacuated and people who heroically plunged into the rescue and recovery effort at Ground Zero.
I work with a number of 9/11 survivors and I too am part of the survivor community, having lost my closest friend who was like a brother to me.

The first few anniversaries of the 9/11 attacks it felt helpful to watch news shows and documentaries related to the attack. The reading of the names of the victims on the anniversary felt comforting and helpful. It was part of the process of coming to terms with grief and recovering from trauma. Over time, grief and mourning diminishes. With time, people may not want reminders. I don’t.

Bruton writes about the tragic loss of funding for the organizations that were set up to help the 9/11 children. “On top of this” writes Brunson “comes the annual media frenzy on the anniversary of 9/11, which sparks emotions ranging from anger to revulsion and grief in the young victims. “They're showing my dad's death and it's just offensive,” says Erik, a 19 year old who lost his father in the attacks. . “Every time I see it, it brings up so much and it actually really hurts.”

That’s exactly what my survivor patients are saying. “I’m just weary of the whole thing,” says Philip, who escaped from the 98th floor of the burning tower and has contended with orthopedic, dental and psychological challenges since that day. “I survived. Now I feel like I can survive anything,” he says. “I’ve learned to deal with my memories and pain. I honor the friends and my co-workers who weren’t as fortunate as I was. Somehow I manage to put 9/11 in a place in my psyche where it’s manageable and I can go about my life. However, when the anniversary comes and I’m bombarded by stories in the newspapers, on TV and every time I go on to the Internet, I just feel weary. I’m tired of it. It hurts and it hurts worse because people seem to actually enjoy the media bombardment. I end up feeling used and exploited and now find it difficult to function when I’m confronted with all the coverage of the attacks. I’m simply worn out and don’t want to see all the reminders of that awful day. My aches and pains and sorrow are reminder enough.”

Two years ago I was interviewed for an article in USA Today entitled “9-11 Themed Films: Too Soon?" At the time I felt it was definitely too soon for a 9/11 movie and it was exploitive of so many people’s personal tragedies. Charles Figley, director of the Florida State University Traumatology Institute, also interviewed for the story, took a different position. "My sense is it's not too early; it's just right. This movie provides an opportunity for people to talk about it — survivors and people not directly impacted. Survivors are more hurt by people not asking them about it."

Right now I’m hearing more about people not wanting to talk about the attacks, people who’ve dealt with their trauma and just want to live life. Fatigue and weariness describes my own feeling as the anniversary approaches. I’m frustrated that it’s so difficult for my patients to get help from the government to help them pay for therapy. I’m appalled that the First Responders are suffering such grave health consequences from environment exposure.

Another client of mine who was working in the financial district on September 11, 2001, had to be evacuated from Ground Zero and walked miles to her home covered in ash, crying and shaking, not able to really comprehend what was going on. She says she was consumed with images of fire, the second plane crashing into the tower, and people jumping from the building. When we started talking about the 9/11 anniversary this week, she said “Years later, I'm still not sure how to deal with the tragedy. I certainly wasn't physically injured, nor did I lose a loved one or a colleague. But being there or anywhere near Ground Zero makes me feel really sick & uneasy. I am actually more afraid this year than previous years. I’m afraid of another attack. For months after the attacks I lived in complete fear. I barely slept & when I could, my body would convulse & I’d sweat so much, that I’d have to literally change the sheets just about every day. Each year I recover more and more from that awful day, but this year’s anniversary and my feelings of fear are making it hard to sleep again. Memories are coming back to me that I usually keep out of consciousness. It’s exhausting.”

While I respect those who say the televised readings of the names is helpful to honor and acknowledge those who died, I’m not sure that survivors and families are not being misled and exploited by the media, for whom 9/11 has become a lucrative day. Some people do find it helpful to repeat their narrative and remember and honor the victims, and I used to believe, as a therapist, that reliving trauma and talking about it was the most helpful tool for recovery. Now I’m not sure.

Some find the remembrance helpful, but most of the survivors I’m talking to are feeling worn out. They want to keep their remembrance private: they don’t want to forget it. They can’t forget it. None of us can and none will forget.