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Dear Dr. G.,
I am a 15 year old girl and I am so frustrated. Three years ago my mother got remarried. Two years ago my mother and her new husband had a baby boy. Now don't get me wrong the little boy-my half-brother is adorable and all but we are going on vacation again and I know that my mom will make me babysit for my brother (I'll call him Sam) for most of the vacation. Last year we took a Christmas vacation to see relatives and my mother and stepfather kept going out to dinner and other places with my relatives. They left me to watch Sam. I don't want to be selfish and all but I wanted to go out with my cousins.
I don't want to be selfish. My mother says that she really trusts me with Sam but is this fair or am I being a spoiled brat? I really want my mother to be happy. Her marriage to my father was terrible. He cheated on her and didn't give her child support after the divorce. I'm just so confused.
Please help.
A Babysitting Teen
Dear Teen,
I am delighted that you reached out to me. I can understand why you are upset. Your mother and her husband made the decision to have this baby. It is their responsibility to take care of him as well as to make appropriate and fair babysitting arrangements for him. Of course, you might babysit every now and then but it is ABSOLUTELY unfair for your mom and stepfather to expect you to spend the majority of your time on vacation babysitting him.
It is very sweet of you to want your mom to be happy especially in light of her bad experience with your father. On the other hand, it is not your job to ensure your mother's happiness. Remember you are the child and she is the mother.
You must sit down with your mother prior to vacation this year to share your feelings. Tell your mother that you too want to enjoy some time on vacation. Let her know that although you really like your little brother you feel that you are spending too much time babysitting. I hope that your mother will understand this and perhaps make other babysitting arrangements so that you too can have a break. Perhaps your mom can see if your cousins are up to babysitting. Your mother's awareness of her behavior needs to improve. She is not being fair to you.
Good luck talking to your mother and please get back to me before vacation.
Dr. G.
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