The Teen Doctor

Answers to your questions about adolescents

Can I Forgive My Boyfriend?

My boyfriend was flirting with another girl

Dear Dr.G.,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months, he’s 17, I’m 15. Everything has been going great until a few weeks ago when I found out he was talking to another girl and telling her things like, ”You’re perfect” and ”You’re the most amazing girl in the world.” He even told her he’d cheat on me with her. He was saying all these things in January, and it’s now May. I decided to stay with him because he never did anything with her and he’s staying faithful. But I’m not sure how to get over seeing the messages he sent to her. I want to know if it was a good decision to stay with him, and what I can do to help forgive him more. Also, is it normal to feel angry and jealous when he talks to other girls? And what can I do so I don’t get to angry? Is there a way to make him more faithful in my eyes?

Thank you! 

A Jealous Teen Girl 

Dear Teen, 

I am delighted that you wrote to me. Of course, it is normal to be angry, jealous and even afraid when the object of your desire appears to be straying. Your feelings are normal and to be expected. I am not sure how you found out that your boyfriend was expressing interest in another girl. Did he tell you and show you the messages or did a friend fill you in? 

It is good that your boyfriend told you that he didn't act on his feelings and that he is remaining faithful. It's not clear to me, however, that he is ready at his young age to be in a relationship like the one you and he have. He may be curious about other girls and he may, of course, express similar interest in other girls. 

It will be hard for you to get over your anger and jealousy when he speaks to other girls particularly given his history of telling a girl that he would cheat on you with her. I hate to see you in such a confusing and complicated relationship. Perhaps, it is time for you to take a break from a relationship that is making you question yourself and your boyfriend. This is ultimately your call but you seem pretty distressed and I rather you be happy.

Good luck and let me know what you ultimately decide. 

Dr.G. 

For more articles like this see my website:

http://drbarbaragreenberg.com/

 

 

 

Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who specializes in the treatment of adolescents and their well-intentioned but exhausted parents.

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