The Teen Doctor

Answers to your questions about adolescents

I Want My Boyfriend Back

My boyfriend cut me off

Dear Dr. G.,

Ok in the month of January on the 19th I at the age of 16 broke up with my boyfriend. He told me that I was demanding and wanted to leave. We used to chat using Facebook so he blocked me. I tried to contact him but he did not answer me. I study in a school where girls and boys have different sections and can't meet each other. I still like him and can't forget him. My mom does not know so please tell me how to get him back as my friend and give detailed tips. Please—I am desperate. Please help me. I cannot contact him.

An Upset 16 Year Old Teen Girl

 

Dear Teen,

I am very glad that you reached out for help and advice. Clearly, you are very distressed. You must have really liked this young man. It is not clear how the break-up occurred but it seems as if you were not ready for the relationship to end.

I am not sure why your boyfriend has blocked you on Facebook. Did he do it to help himself get over you or to prevent you from checking in on his life? It is important that you think about the answer to this question. Perhaps he was experiencing you as obsessive and needed to get some distance.

I wish that I could provide you with a detailed response about how to get your former boyfriend back as a friend. Do you really want to be his friend or his girlfriend? This, too, is important for you to understand. Unfortunately, your boyfriend has made it clear in multiple ways that he does not want to be friends at this point in time. You need to respect that.

My suggestions to you are the following:

1.Take better care of yourself by re-engaging other aspects of your life. There is no sense trying to contact a boyfriend who clearly does not want to be contacted.

2. Spend more time with friends but do not talk constantly about the boyfriend. This may drive away your friends at a time when you need their support.

3. Please try to understand that time is the best healer and that some time must pass before your feelings toward this young man will diminish.

AND

4. If you find yourself getting depressed or obsessed with this relationship then PLEASE seek out professional help. A good therapist will help you both get over this young man and feel good about a life that does not necessarily include him.

I know that this is not necessarily what you wanted to hear but it is important that you learn to deal with all aspects of relationships.

 

All the best to you,

Dr.G.

For more articles like this see my website:

http://drbarbaragreenberg.com/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who specializes in the treatment of adolescents and their well-intentioned but exhausted parents.

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