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Dear Dr. G.,
I didn't want to write this letter but my husband insisted. I caught my 16 year old teen son watching porn and I lost my cool. My husband then lost his cool with me or should I say he flipped his lid. He told me that all teen boys watch porn at some point and that I shouldn't have embarrassed and yelled at my son. I also punished my son and told him no social media for a month. Look, I want my son to be respectful of girls and I don't want him to expect sex from girls. My husband has had the sex talk with my son. Who do you think is right,Dr.G, me or my husband?
A Scared Mother
Dear Mother,
It's tough to say who is right and who is wrong since I know that both you and your husband most likely want the best for your son. I can tell you what I do know and that can be your guide. Most of the data that I have reviewed suggests that by the time boys are 18 MOST of them have viewed Internet pornography. They are very curious about sexuality and yesterday's Playboy magazine is today's Internet pornography. Of course, a healthy teenage boy is going to be sexually curious and will want to see visuals despite having had a sex talk with parents.
I do not think that either male or female teens should be shamed or embarrassed because of their sexual curiosity. Nor do I think they should be watching porn regularly. I suggest that you talk to your son about what happened and reassure him that his sexual curiosity is normal. You may also want to tell him that pornography doesn't necessarily portray sexuality between a man and a woman in a healthy way. You and your husband should decide which of you is going to talk about respectful and healthy sexuality with your son.
I am sure that you want your son to grow up with a healthy idea of sexuality. He should not be punished for normal curiosity.
Good luck with this tricky topic.
Dr. G.
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