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Dear Dr. B.,
My oldest daughter is going away to college in about 3 weeks. I am anxious about this and I can tell that my daughter is anxious as well. I don't know what to say and do to help my daughter because she is the first of my 3 kids going off to college. My husband is not the worrying type and he tells me and my daughter to not sweat it because generations of teens have gone away before and most of them have had good experiences. Both my husband and I had good experiences in college. In fact, we met at college.
Nonetheless, this is my baby who is going away to school so please help me with some guidelines to ease the transition. I should tell you that my daughter has always had friends and has been away to summer camp. This is not her first experience away from home yet it feels so different.
A Concerned Mother,
Dear Mother,
You are in good and plentiful company. I have spoken to and met with many teens and parents who are anxious about their kids' impending transition to college in a few weeks. Everyone seems to be experiencing a mixture of feelings including excitement, joy, anxiety and a bit of stress. That combination adds up to a very charged combination of feelings.
Having acknowledged that this is a stressful time-I do have suggestions that will be helpful for parents and the college-bound kids.
1. Validate your teens' concerns and anxieties but also let them know that you believe in them and that over time they will find their way. Everyone does better when they have parents who both acknowledge their feelings and believe in them.
2. Focus on the positive. Turn trips to the dorm room supply store into mini adventures. These shopping trips do not need to be stressful. They can be bonding experiences.
3. Remind yourself and your kids that they are going off to do something that they have been looking forward to. My guess is that your kids have been excited about college for a long time. And, my guess is that you are happy for them. So, get with the program and cheer them on.
4. Instead, of thinking about college as a place that steals your kids think about it as a place that takes your teenagers and helps them become more mature young men and women. Remind your kids that college is a place where they will continue to learn more about who they are in relation to themselves and others.
AND
5. Most importantly, when you drop your kids off at college give them a big hug and a pat on the back. Save your tears for the car. You want them to feel your excitement not your sadness. We know that moods are very contagious.
Good luck. I wish everyone well with this transition!
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