Party Invitations Are Arriving with Goodies

Dear Dr. G.,

My husband and I have just moved to a more affluent part of the country and I'm thinking that this was a terribly stupid mistake. I have never come across such spoiled and indulged kids and my daughter sadly is paying a price.

My daughter is in middle school. Recently, she has been started to be invited to bat mitzvahs. That's wonderful. I'm happy that she's being included. I'll hold my tongue about the cost of dresses, nails, and gifts. Here is the most recent problem. Some of the bat mitzvah invitations sent out about a week ago arrived with a purple bracelet in them. Now, all of the girls who were invited to the party are sporting their purple bracelets to school. And guess what? My daughter wasn't invited and feels terribly excluded because she doesn't have a purple bracelet.

I feel badly for my daughter. It's bad enough not to be invited but for God-sake do the mothers realize that they are causing unnecessary pain when they are sending bracelets to some girls but not to others? And do these bracelets really need to be worn to school?

I always thought that party favors arrived at parties not as part of an invitation. I am going to raise hell with the school about allowing the kids to wear these bracelets to school unless you have a better idea. Please help before I make enemies in a new town.

A Mad Mom

Dear Mad Mom,

I totally understand where you are coming from. On the one hand, you are glad that your daughter is being included and invited to parties but on the other hand it is very upsetting when she is excluded.

Your daughter does need to learn that not always being invited to parties is a part of life that we all need to learn to deal with. It happens to kids and adults of all ages. Please talk to your daughter about this. Perhaps,the party girl has a limit on the number of girls that she can invite to the party? Or, perhaps, your daughter is not that friendly with this girl?

Nonetheless, I do agree with you that having the "invited group" wear these bracelets to school is NOT a good idea. This make others feel excluded and school is not a place where that should be condoned. Yes, I do think that you should bring this matter to a school administrator's attention but in a calm and concerned manner. The school may be unaware of this.

I hope you would feel the same way if your daughter had been invited and other girls were excluded.

Good luck,
Dr. G.

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