Is It Wrong to Smoke Weed with My Teenager?

Dear Dr. G.,

I am confused. I grew up in the 60's and I smoked marijuana with my friends. The music of the time really lent itself to getting high, engaging in sex, and loving one another. I still occasionally smoke marijuana privately. Very few of my friends smoke it anymore. I am an older father to a teenage boy and I would very much like to get closer to my son. I don't really see anything wrong with smoking a little marijuana with him. Maybe it will help us both relax and my son will open up to me. My wife, who also smoked marijuana during her college days, thinks that this is a terrible idea. She says that it's inappropriate and that I should act like a father not a friend. I really don't want to fight with my wife. She is my best friend and is always looking out for the welfare of all of us but I disagree with her on this one. We agreed that we'd see what "The Teen Doc" has to say about this one.

An Ex-Hippy Dad

Dear Ex-Hippy Dad,

I think that it is quite wonderful that you want to bond more closely with your son. I also admire your respect for your wife and your willingness to question yourself. These are excellent qualities for both you as an individual and as a husband and a father.

I understand the culture that you grew up in. The Grateful Dead, marijuana, and sexual experimentation, were a recipe for bonding in some circles. I do want to remind you,though, that you do not need to return to the behavior of your youth to bond with your son. I can promise you that your son would much rather have you in the role of his father than as his friend. He will not tell you this because this would be so very non-teenage and "uncool" as we used to say back in the day.

I love the idea that you want to bond with your son. Try to find activities that you can enjoy together that are both legal and mutually desirable. It will be during these activities that the bond will strengthen. There is no need to be in an altered state while bonding. And, frankly, you do not want to impart the message that drugs and intimacy are connected.

Remember that you are your teen's most important role model. Studies consistently find that parents are often more influential in their teens' lives than peers, siblings, and celebrity role models. You are in a terrific position to influence your teens's decision-making, risk-taking behaviors, and susceptibility to peer pressure. So, I say No to smoking marijuana with the boy and YES to getting acquainted with his music and his culture.

I do want to reassure you that you are in good company. Many of us have tried to introduce our teens to the Grateful Dead and other music of that era but they just roll their eyes and don't get it.

Good luck. Your intentions seem very good.

Dr. G.