Two very close friends of mine had people yell "fag" at them this last week. The first was when one was crossing the street in a gay-identified neighborhood in Chicago. Apparently the woman thought the cross-walk belonged to her and wanted to make it clear she didn't like stopping for him to cross. The second was when another friend pulled into a parking space that the other driver thought she deserved. Both friends of mine are gay. Both have been out for a while, have strong and positive connections to the gay community, and have pride in their sexual orientation. Both are successful, generally happy, and have strong self-esteem. Both were upset by what happened. Not crying upset. Not on-the-verge-of-lapsing-into-depression upset. But upset when it happened and still bothered a few days later. They both said almost the exact same thing, "I really don't care what she thinks, but is still bothered me. I should have confronted her more. "
Recently I wrote a blog about microaggressions, which are aggressions against minority people that are more subtle than what we think of traditionally as overt racism or sexism. These microaggressions can range from more overt behaviors like name calling, to insensitivity to a person's racial heritage, to comments that negate the feelings of minority people. What is particularly insidious about these experiences is that not only are they an assault against the minority person, but they often lead the victims to question themselves. Why was I so upset by that? Am I making too big of a deal of this? Did I handle the situation right?
One of the amazing things about people is that they can cope and thrive in the face of adversity. Stress and coping research has repeatedly shown that coping behaviors are protective against stressors...but some coping strategies work better than others.
Researchers generally divide coping into two kinds. Active coping strategies are designed to change the nature of the stressor itself or how one thinks about it. Avoidant coping strategies are activities (such as alcohol or drug use) or mental states (such as denial) that keep people from directly addressing stressful events.
So what is the best way to cope with a microassault? The answer may depend on the individual, but in general passive forms of coping are the least effective. Active, problem-focused coping have been shown to be the most effective. The positive effects of active coping with discrimination have been found on outcomes ranging from mental health to blood pressure across a range of minority groups.
Based on this research, what advice do I have for my friends who were called "fag?" How do you actively cope when something like this happens? Here are a couple of suggestions from the coping literature: 1) When it is safe, confront the person who victimized you. 2) Take action to deal with the specific situation or the general problem. If it occurred in a business setting, report the perpetrator to their supervisor. Consider joining or supporting a gay rights group. 3) Plan a way to deal with this problem in the future. 4) Seek support from your friends that focuses on getting assistance, information, or advice on what to do. 5) Get emotional support from your friends. 6) Think about ways that you can learn and grow from the experience. These are just a few active coping strategies. If you have other ideas, post them below.
Little research has been done on discrimination, coping, and health in LGBT populations. My research team has a study underway now looking at these relationships and I look forward to writing about our findings when the study is completed.
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