I am, by day, a Professor of Psychology at UCLA. The author of 10 books (including the forthcoming "Sex Appeal: Six ethical principles for the 21st century" (Oxford University Press)) and over 100 scientific publications. By night, however, I am the lead singer in a new "mythopoetic quasi punk rock band" called CRYING 4 KAFKA.
People often ask me "What is the story behind the song "Demons Come Dance?" Though a Halloween favorite, it is about psychological demons; not the haunted house variety.
My father’s temper was vicious and his language was foul. I was a “professional fuck-up” or “out of my god damn fucking mind.” Goddamn and fuck were his favorite salutations. Combined with his penchant for violence, he was a brutally savage presence in our home.
Though I was estranged from my father and rendered mute by the torrent of his violence, I undoubtedly internalized part of him as well. He was the beast within me, my internal Demon. The more I loathed him, the more I loathed that part of him that resided inside of me.
Countless hours of psychotherapy helped; dedicated self-exploration too. One curious thing however remained; I never reconciled myself with the beast within. I simply wanted it destroyed.
Then I had an epiphany. We empower the Demons within us. The Chorus of this song recognizes that insight: “Demons Come; Demons Go; Step Aside, Let Them Flow.”
The lyrics are ultimately about tension and uncertainty; my struggle trying to find a voice to stand up to my father in the face of his oppression. Success and failure are also evident throughout song. The first verse introduces these ideas:
WHAT’S THE STORY, I’M TRYING TO TELL
ROUND AND ROUND LIKE A CAROUSEL
FACE THE FEAR WITHOUT REGRET
BEYOND THE SHADOW OF MY SILHOUETTE
EASY AT FIRST, I DECLARED
PISTOL ROSE TO THE AUCTIONEER
MATTER SAID, PURPOSE FOUL
RAPID VOICE, DISEMBOWELED
As I continued to struggle with my internal Demons, I grew more and more despondent. I wanted quick relief; an identifiable culprit; or perhaps I was simply to blame. The second verse addresses these particular points, whereas the oppressive nature of my father emerges in the imagery of Verse 3.
VERSE 2:
THIS IS WHERE, EXPLAIN MY FATE,
POINTING FINGERS, MALICE HATE
TROUBLED PAST, PAIN WAS TRUE
TEMPLATE DIRE, OPTIONS FEW
AMENDED FATE, YEARS TO LEARN
ABACUS, TACITURN
PERHAPS I SEEK, WHAT I GET
LOST WORDS WHEN TONGUES DUET
VERSE 3:
A LOUD VOICE, HELD SUCH SWAY
COWERED, CORNERED HELPLESS PREY
WHISPERED PHRASES, WANDERED SOUTH
VANISHED, VANQUISHED TANTAMOUNT
PRIDE TO SWALLOW WILL BEFALL
THE TOURNIQUET TROUBLES ALL
SEEMS LIKE WHEN WORDS COUNT
MATTERS LESS AS SERMONS MOUNT
Finally, the continuous struggle (both between us and within me) is evident in the imagery in the last Verse:
IT IS FINE, WE NOW INSIST
NO REASON FOR THE ANARCHIST
I HAVE A PLAN TO BURY THINGS
A FUEDALIST WITH EMPTY RINGS
CALL BEYOND, CONSCIOUS THOUGHT
A HURRICANE VAINLY FOUGHT
ALL THIS, SAY AGAIN
RACKETEER DENIZEN
The song ends with an extended Chorus, symbolizing both my epiphany (“Step Aside, Let Them Flow”) and the celebration that it evoked (“Dance, dance, dance…”).
Though, as mentioned above, the song gets considerable attention during the Halloween weekend, it is ironically about personal salvation. Don’t empower your internal Demons; step aside, let them flow.
PHOTO CREDIT: Ann Purdy
