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Photo by Alexi Berry
Ebola. Bird flu. Swine flu. These are diseases that lead a population to panic, but for what? The question that plagues me is, are people afraid of dying? Or of really living? It seems many who seem to complain about everything in their life, then panic over the possibility of losing it.
In existentialism, the idea of death is prominent. The therapeutic philosophy delves into how many people, out of fear of death, never really live. In his book, “Staring at the Sun”, Irvin Yalom quotes Otto Rank: “Many refuse the loan of life to avoid the debt of death”(p.108). To make this quote clearer, Yalom goes on to explain it more simply: “It’s like going on an ocean cruise and refusing to enter into friendships or interesting activities in order to avoid the pain of the inevitable end of the cruise.”
It’s important to understand that Rank, Yalom, and many more who have existential leanings, including myself, believe many live their lives in this fashion. They simply do not embrace life; they downplay it, unconsciously because of the fear of dying. Complaining may very well be a symptom of this fear, tempering the enjoyment of life so the pain of death can be escaped. I have several friends who gave up Facebook because all of their “friends” are complaining on there. How often do your colleagues complain about one thing or another, personal or professional? It seems difficult to get through a normal day without hearing the complaints of others.
In his excellent book, “Buddha’s Brain”, Rick Hanson discusses how negatives are Velcro and positives Teflon. The negatives linger, and positives are fleeting. Though Hanson argues this is a product of evolution, it may also serve the purpose of denying death. Recently a client quoted his doctor: “Life is relentless.” This strikes me as a negative quote, and it certainly was in the context of the discussion (though meant as a positive, empathic, statement). So many view life as a struggle, as incredibly difficult. Yet, despite the complaints, cling to it.
This isn't without merit. First, instinctually, we have a drive to survive. So wanting to live on is certainly understandable in that regard. Additionally, when threatened with death, life may be all the more sweet. This is reminiscent of the scene in “Fight Club” where Tyler Durden threatens to kill a store clerk if he doesn’t go back to college. When explaining his actions, he says, "Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of Raymond K. Hessel's [the store clerk] life. His breakfast will taste better than any meal you and I have ever tasted." This is a common experience when one escapes death (or the perception they might die). For a short time, everything becomes more vibrant.
Despite all of the positives in an awareness of the inevitability of death, people avoid discussing or even thinking about it. Or, people may engage in its opposite, panicking about it. There is a minimal threat from Ebola in the U.S right now. I heard a joke you have a better chance of marrying Kim Kardashian or Rush Limbaugh than contracting it. But, you’ve probably heard someone talking about the risk. Maybe it gives people something to talk about, or to complain about. Or maybe, it can confront one with the inevitability of death, and make life sweeter. Maybe that is what all the hoopla is about. But is it successful?
It is my contention that people are a lot happier than they realize. Yes, life can be trying. There are certainly challenges in it. But would you want it any other way? There is so much to enjoy in this life. Part of the problem is we’ve become accustomed to all the good, and we no longer really feel it. It’s all in line with the hedonistic treadmill theory. We become acclimated to something we desired, and a new desire takes its place. Death threatens that. Suddenly everything is more meaningful. Suddenly you appreciate what you will inevitably lose.
Some people avoid the idea of death to the point of acting young beyond their youth. Carl G. Jung said, “Ordinarily we cling to our past and remain stuck in the illusion of youthfulness. Being old is highly unpopular… An old man who does not know how to listen to the secrets of the brooks, as they tumble down from the valleys, makes no sense. He is a spiritual mummy who is nothing but a rigid relic of the past” (Feist, 2013, p.126). Erik Erikson, when discussing the crisis of old age, defined wisdom as informed and detached concern with life itself in the face of death itself” (Feist, 2013, p.238). In other words, the ability to embrace life appropriately and to face one’s death with dignity are correlated, if you accept what these theorists purport. This is diametrically opposed to what the majority believes. Simply, embracing life and living fully allows one to accept death more readily.
Death is a natural part of life. In some Buddhist traditions there is a meditation that focuses on death. In fact, I recently downloaded an app for the iPhone called “Conscious”, which gives users something to be mindful about through the day. The day my colleague sent the recommendation for the app, the theme was death and impermanence. The idea of this meditation, and existentialism in general, is that being aware of the impermanence of everything makes the moment more vibrant. Rick Hanson says in Buddha’s Brain this is one way to rewire the brain to be happier.
One of the ways this can be done is through allowing an awareness of death and impermanence to permeate your life. When you become conscious of impermanence, feel the moment more fully. Allow the positive moment to resonate with you. Stay with the moment, feeling it completely. Feel the gratitude; the sweet sorrow of knowing it will pass. Of course you will move to the next moment. You’ll still get the tasks done. But perhaps you can focus more fully on the feeling of being alive, and of all the positives that entails.
Copyright: William Berry 2014
References:
Feist, J., Feist, G., & Roberts, T.; 2013; Theories of Personality
Hanson, Rick; Buddha’s Brain: The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom
Uhls, Jim; 1998; screenplay, based on a novel “Fight Club” by Chuck Palahnuik; retrieved from: http://www.imsdb.com/scripts/Fight-Club.html
Yalom, Irvin; 2008; Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death
