Many of us experience enlightenment without realizing it. It sometimes occurs when a relationship is ending and you're having that good-bye tryst. It may be the last time you are ever with this person and you are savoring every minute detail. Or, for others, maybe it occurs shortly after you begin sexual activity with a new partner. The anxiety of having a new partner has lifted and you are comfortable and able to just enjoy the experience (or hopefully quite a few moments). You are making love, and you are completely in the moment. Congratulations, at that moment you are Zen.
Many people see Zen, mindfulness, and other forms of eastern thought as foreign, esoteric, and far from their reality. These people give up or never fully embrace this path. Yet this path can lead to peace and happiness, and the chances are you've crossed it without noticing. Zen masters knew the power of sex for being completely in the moment: as Master Ikkyo said, "Me, I am praised as a general of Zen, tasting life and enjoying sex to the fullest."
Mindfulness during sex is just one example of living in the moment. The example also demonstrates how the mind interferes with being in the moment. Too often, sexual partners get into a routine; like many other activities, sex is taken for granted. We assume it will always be there. It is not savored. Or, possibly, one partner has determined that the experience isn't worth the effort. Perhaps, with some experiences, we build up a wall preventing our living in the moment.
Past disappointment, feelings of resentment, or other negative emotions can affect the present. Even if these emotions don't prevent you from engaging in sex, disappointment creeps in and prevents full awareness of the moment. Any number of things may be happening:
· You're too busy protecting yourself from further hurt.
· Your mind wanders to previous experiences.
· Or, some other individual creeps into your thinking and fantasies.
In any of these examples, your normal egocentric mind has dominated and prevents you from truly being in the moment.
These examples are true for all activities. Driving, working, reading, or just about any task we engage in can be an opportunity for the mind to dominate, or an opportunity to live in the moment. The reward for being in the moment is a greater experience of the fullness of life. This brings more happiness.
So how do we get the egocentric mind to stop interfering? After all, it is just trying to protect us. First, it is important to recognize you are likely already having some of these enlightened experiences: whether it's sexual activity, as in the examples above, or simply enjoying spontaneous and engaging conversation with friends, or taking in a sunrise or sunset in beautiful weather. You are capable of being in the moment.
Second, you do, however, need your egocentric mind for daily living. It would be impossible to function without it. So don't condemn it and spend negative energy trying to demolish it. The goal is to accept it as natural, but it's not the only natural mind you have and you don't need it at every moment. Your daily mind can take a break from protecting you and making your life easier once in a while.
A third suggestion is to work toward an unconditional acceptance of what is. We spend great energy in mental processes wishing things were different than they are. Wishing the traffic jam didn't exist. Wishing the boss were a little nicer, wishing our children would take our advice, wishing, wishing, wishing. Acceptance is a key to a happier life. If we can just try to accept what is, and that wanting otherwise is often wasted energy, we will be happier. We would be better able to experience the moment more fully with this state of mind.
Acceptance does not mean accepting injustice or passively allowing what we know to be wrong. Instead, it is an understanding of what we have power over, which is usually ourselves and our perceptions, and working to change that rather than wait for others to change.
A final suggestion for being in the moment is letting go of preconceived ideas or thoughts of whatever activity you are engaging in. Let's go back to the example of sex. Your partner has to move away for work for a time. This is your last night together before taking him or her to the airport in the morning. You are filled with emotions: Fear of losing him, longing, love, anticipatory missing, desire, and sadness. Instead of disregarding your feelings, embrace them. Use these emotions as the fuel to fully experience the moment. Simply be with your partner. Touch him or her like you never will again. Fully comprehend that this moment will never happen again.
Every moment in our lives has the potential to be (and generally is) a completely unique experience. Absorb every bit of the moment. Treasure it by completely experiencing it. Congratulations, you are Zen.
Copyright William Berry 2010
