As a young mother of a very active one-year old, I can say I have much negative thoughts. Not negative as in "everything is awful" but moreso, in a sense that I have to think of the worse to prevent it from happening to my child. In order to protect children you have to plan for the worse and make sure that it never happens to them. You want them so badly to be happy and perfect that you shriek at the thought of anything bad happening to them. Everyday I have to forsee anything that he might do before it happens; child-proof the house so he doesn't fall or burn himself or even electrocute himself! With food, you have to be careful of pesticides and ecoli... as a parent every negative thought is for the protection of your child.

Speaking for myself, parenthood has been very difficult. I love my children dearly and want the best for them. I am often disappointed by my limitations as a human being and as a parent. Sometimes I cannot give them everything I think they need. Sometimes I am not as patient or as loving as I should be. Being in the field of psychology myself, I am almost constantly worried if my strained relationship with their father (my husband) is "ruining them." I also worry for their safety and will probably worry more once they are adolescents and I have less to say about where they go and who they go with. For me, parenthood is highly stressful. I know I am supposed to enjoy this time with them, but I find that I often long for the day when I (and they) will have emerged in one piece.

As a child-free woman of my late 20s, I can confidently say that I am very happy. Because I have the freedom to do what I want when I want, I have all the time in the world to think and learn everyday without having to bear the burden of parenthood, there are no obsticles in the way of acheiving happiness for me. Therefore, I can see how having children would put a bar on happiness for most people.

I wonder what the happiness factor plays in the descision to give birth. Are happier people more or less inclined to do it? In my experience, an unhappy woman will enter into parenthood thinking that it will make her happy, or an already happy person will go into it thinking that it will add to her happiness. A truly satisfied individual will not enter into parenthood as readily as an unsatisfied individual.

of course having children makes people unhappy...

As a father of a 14yr. girl and a 11yr. boy, that was thrown in to parenthood too early in life because of wrong choices made, I can honestly say that I am unhappy! "I could be free to do what I want when I want". But I can't so I've tried to make the best of this parenthood thing, as much as I dislike refereeing there little fights, there bickering, there neediness, that usually turns in to my wife and i arguing because, "I'm to hard on them" which makes her unhappy which of course in-turn makes me unhappy but I do it because I have to. Sure being hated, ignored, and every thing not said makes me unhappy as well, but I wouldn't change one thing, and anyone that says that there happy with every aspect of there parenthood life is #1 still living in the 1950s or #2 doesn't have any human emotion! In the long run, seeing them leave home, seeing them make good choices in there life for themselves will make it all worth it and make me happy. I guess the greater satisfation is what i am after

This topic is complicated. However, I do wonder if the same people who are busy parenting now were asked later in life(once the kiddos are grown)if they are happy. Then compare those with people with those who never had children. My guess is that although modern parenting is full of challenges. The happiness comes when you are given grandchildren and have all the memories of raising you're children as one ages. I don't know. Just a thought. But, then parenting doesn't make me unhappy. It is challenging. But,I have fun with my kids. What I want is more time.

As a first-time "older" parent, I have found parenting to be much more challenging, tiring, exhausting, frustrating, and demanding than I ever thought possible. My husband & I spent the first 10 years of our marriage travelling, sleeping in, doing what we wanted to whenever we wanted to, and when we chose to become parents, it really threw a loop into all that, understandably. Our son is great and we're glad we have him, but parenthood has definitely affected our relationship. There are days when I long for the "old days" and I find myself wishing away his early years so he can become more independent. I realize that I am not a big fan of the selfless demands that parenting can sometimes require and I sometimes feel resentful and angry. My husband & I talk about this a lot and we both feel overwhelmed at times and find that we often feel unhappy. I think that, for many people, the need to reproduce is a basic biological urge. Some people don't have that urge or it is so mild that they can ignore it. And once those who have chosen to reproduce or adopt become parents, the reality of parenthood sets in and that is just what comes with the territory. There's no way around it unless you can afford to have a 24/7 nanny, which would then allow you to get lots of rest and have lots of time to yourself. That's not reality for most people and you just have to grit your teeth & try to get through it as best you can. Parenthood is definitely not for the faint of heart.

It is written in the introduction of this post that:
"Happiness (and other emotions) have been evolutionarily selected to induce us to do the right thing in order to attain reproductive success in the context of the ancestral environment."
Happiness is, in other words, one of the many compasses which guide reproduction to head in the right direction; that of success.

It has been noted that parents are both unhappier and experience more negative emotions than do childless people of the same age, and I believe that this stems from the demands of parenthood.

As children are the point of the parents' very existence, they are also the parents' only hope for the future (or rather the parents' genes' only hope), and then it is obvious that parents wish their children nothing but the very best. To give children the best is the best way to maximise their future reproductive success, and hence one's own as well.

It is however hard for parents to give their children the very best at all times, and it is when they fail that they experience the negative emotions, as well as the other way around.

When a parent manages to give their child the very best, the parent feels accomplished and thus experiences happiness and positive emotions. The parent has done something good, something which benefits the survival and success of their genes. The parent is for this rewarded with happiness.

Unhappiness works the other way around. When a parent finds themself unable to provide their child the very best, they feel unaccomplished and experience negative emotions. They have been "punished" for not seeing to the success of their offspring and genes.

People are on a never-ending pursuit of happiness, as all rewards are--by definition--to be sought. Parents should hence desire to see to their children's best. It is in their genetic interest.

Thus, in the ancestral environment, the parents who felt unaccomplished when failing to provide their children with the very best were those who sought to change this. They sought the reward of happiness and gave their children the best. As the children were given the best, their reproductive success was maximised and genes making unaccomplished parents unhappy thus spread throughout the population.

In contrast, those parents who failed to provide for their children, and who were rewarded for this did not carry the genes for great reproductive success; they were evolutionary dead-ends.

This is why parents are not happy; they simply do not have the genes for unconditional happiness.

The "wholly unnatural environment, in a wholly unnatural manner" strikes a chord. Along with all the examples you mentioned, I think that the lack of a real "tribe" makes things more difficult. Kids don't have the freedom to play, to roam, to be with tight-knit, multi-age groups. By and large, nuclear families don't have other related, trustworthy adults in the same unit to help spread out the work of maintaining a household and watching out for the children. Many of us don't grow up with a lot of other children, and as adults are isolated from children other than our own, so we're not used to behavior of children and find it mystifying and upsetting.

I'm just rambling. But this is something that has bothered me since having my two, having no meaningful, day to day interaction with an extended family.

All those above who think parenting is hard with 1, try three! And a father who is often away...
I am unhappy as a parent and often wish myself back in time.
It's not that I don't love them, or didn;t want them: I did.
But it is just plain, sheer, hard work.
Sleep deprivation.
Sickness.
I think it gets easier as they get older, for a time, in the school age group.
Would I do it again, if I could go back and choose? I'm not entirely sure.
Often I envy those around me who don't have children and can do whatever they want, when I simply cannot. Part of this will get easier when the youngest two go to school, and I will actually be able to breathe without someone shrieking....

What makes someone more unhappy: having something that she doesn't want or not having something that she wants? I think the former. We, humans, cease to want something the minute we have it. Same with children... We are designed to do everything in order to procreate. But once we procreate, we want our freedom back. And we feel guilty and unhappy for having such thoughts. Same with husbands and wives. Once we get married, we want something else or we are unhappy with what we have. We are faulty by design in the sense that we cannot achieve long term happiness.