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Does He Love Me? I Want to Know. (And Here's How to Tell.)

According to new research, romantic feelings like love, intimacy, and commitment reliably lead to some loving behaviors, but not others. Read More

does he love me

I just started to date this guy and I think I'm in love. He won me all these cute animals and is always compliments me and says he can never live without me. Is he in love with me or is it just an act/

Reply to comment | Psychology Today

Stunning story there. What occurred after? Good luck!

If he is complimenting you

If he is complimenting you and he is already saying he can't live without you. These are very strong signs that he is in love with you. Give the guy a chance and see how it works out.

Lisa - - What Men Really Want

His behavior is also a marker

His behavior is also a marker of an abuser / malignant narcissist / sociopath. They are charismatic charmers in the wooing stage.

Examine his family of origin and dig for the truth about his childhood, including his parents' behaviors while he was growing up. Don't rely only on his accounts, for another marker of an MN / sociopath is that they lie. (Then again, so do their family members.)

Red flags:
Same sex sexual molestation.
Any father on mother abuse - physical or emotional.
Physical abuse of father towards the kids.
Adultery by the parents.
Close relationship with mother.
Childhood self medicating like drug and alcohol abuse and promiscuous sex.

If he has never had therapy to address his family of origin and childhood trauma issues, then insist he does, for a minimum of 2 years. The time required for a younger brain to develop new neuropathways.)

If he is stuck in denial, then run for the hills. He may be able to maintain normality with his younger brain now, but in 20 years, with an older brain, he will not. If untreated, it is uncanny the compulsion to repeat the cycles of dysfunction that this parents did not remedy when he was a child in their home.

Btw, talented and good looking people from dysfunctional homes often stay stuck longer, for they are given passes on their bad behavior longer, which exacerbates the ingraining.

Does any of this wisdom resonate?

Attraction is a feeling. Love is a promise.

The most common source of problems in relationships is that the couple misinterpreted their mutual feelings of attraction as love. This normally results in the couple trying to keep up appearances after the attraction fades, and wondering where the love went.

It is important to know that attraction is an emotional feeling that fades over time, while love is a promise that has nothing to do with attraction. Love is a promise to do 4 things. For the man:

1. To accept everything that he knows and does not know about her now.
2. To accept her regardless of what happens in the unknown future as they both age - for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness or health for as long as they shall live. Even if she is later disfigured by an accident or crippled by illness, he promises now to accept her.
3. To forgive her later. Since neither of them is perfect, they depend on each others' forgiveness.
4. To encourage her passions and encourage improvement in areas of weaknesses. This provides purpose for the marriage, otherwise she can quickly get bored with the routine.

If they are both ready to make and keep these promises to each-other, then they are ready to love. When they keep them, they demonstrate their love for each-other. After they formally make their promises at their wedding, they complete or consummate their promises with sexual intercourse. Every time that they subsequently have sexual intercourse, they reinforce their promises – it is truly a wonderful and mutually satisfying mental, physical, emotional and spiritual experience.

The problem is that if they have sexual intercourse before making their promises, then he shows her that he is capable of justifying forsaking her for a younger and shapelier rival when she get older. If he is able to restrain himself when his attraction for her is at its highest, then he shows her that he is capable of resisting the rival that will inevitably come.

My experience is that most couples do not reach the love stage. They seem to simply ride the wave of emotional attraction until it is exhausted.

Source: Attraction is a feeling. Love is a Promise. by Grenville Phillips, president of Walbrent College – 15 years of pre-marital counselling with no separations or divorces to-date. (

how i got back my husband

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Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D., is a social psychologist and author of Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals.


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