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Anger is a natural emotion that is experienced by every individual across different cultures. Anger is "an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage," according to Charles Spielberger, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger. Like other emotions, it is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your heart rate and blood pressure go up, as do the levels of your energy hormones, adrenaline, and noradrenaline. According to some, aggressive behavior is characterized to include verbal and physical aggression, skills deficits, immaturity, and withdrawal (Glick & Gibbs, 2011).
Why Are Some People Angrier Than Others?
According to Jerry Deffenbacher, PhD, a psychologist who specializes in anger management, some people really are more "hotheaded". Easily angered people don't always curse and throw things; sometimes they withdraw socially, sulk, or get physically ill. People who are easily angered generally have what some psychologists call a low tolerance for frustration. Having low frustration tolerance means they feel that they should not have to be subjected to frustration, inconvenience, or annoyance. What makes these people this way? First, it may be genetic or physiological. There is evidence that some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered, and that these signs are present from a very early age. Another may be sociocultural. Anger is often regarded as negative and children are encouraged to not display this emotion. This may lead children to have difficulties learning how to handle it or channel their anger. Finally, some research also shows that family background plays a role. Typically, people who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and may not handle anger constructively.
Strategies to Reduce Anger
If your child has ever got angry, I’m sure you have tried to nip it in the bud or suggest ways they could calm down. Below are a few strategies that may help children cope with anger.
1. Relaxation
Simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. There are books and courses that can teach you relaxation techniques, and once you learn the techniques, you can call upon them in any situation. Some simple steps you can try:
- Breathe deeply, from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest won't relax you. Picture your breath coming up from your "gut."
- Slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply.
- Use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination.
2. Cognitive Restructuring
Simply put, this means changing the way you think. Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, "oh, it's awful, it's terrible, everything's ruined," tell yourself, "it's frustrating, and it's understandable that I'm upset about it, but it's not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow." Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse).
3. Problem Solving
Sometimes, our anger and frustration are caused by very real and inescapable problems in our lives. Not all anger is misplaced, and often it's a healthy, natural response to these difficulties. There is also a cultural belief that every problem has a solution, and it adds to our frustration to find out that this isn't always the case. The best attitude to bring to such a situation, then, is not to focus on finding the solution, but rather on how you handle and face the problem.
4. Better Communication
Angry people tend to jump to conclusions, and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you're in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don't say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
5. Changing Your Environment
Sometimes it's our immediate surroundings that give us cause for irritation and fury. Problems and responsibilities can weigh on you and make you feel angry at the "trap" you seem to have fallen into and all the people and things that form that trap. Give yourself a break. Make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful.
Copyright 2013 Erlanger A. Turner, Ph.D.
You can follow Dr. Turner on Twitter @DrEarlTurner for daily post on psychology, mental health, and parenting. Feel free to join his Facebook group, “Get Psych’d with Dr. T” to discuss today's blog, or to ask further questions about this posting.
References:
American Psychological Association (2013). Controlling anger before it controls you. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx?item=1
Glick, B., & Gibbs, J.C. (2011). Aggression Replacement Training: A comprehensive intervention for aggressive youth. Illinois: Research Press.
