I have a photographic visual memory. It's part of the Aspie way of life. We think in pictures, as Temple Grandin says. Most of the time this is a glorious way to go. We can relive the great and grand views, activities, times, moments we love to remember, like they were happening this second not days or years ago. What a gift to think back on the second my first baby was put in my arms and the second I knew my twins were both born healthy.
Alas, to every good thing there is a negative. The light and the dark. Two sides to every coin, one showing a won bet, one signifying a loose. The deep down dark side to having visual memories bite badly. I lost my much-adored father two years ago to a head injury. And like a sharp slap upside the face, my eyes sting with fresh tears every single time I think about the moment we had to take him off life support. As if I was holding him just now, I feel the same pain, the same searing agony of having to say goodbye to someone I can barely live without.
How does someone move beyond the bad and into a place of mostly good, when the bad can come so sharply into focus so dang easily? And so unexpectedly? Just mention a restaurant my dad liked or let me hear a bar of one of his favorite songs, and I am reduced to mush followed by a blinding panic attack. I cannot profess to be very good at getting past the sad and bad, but I can say I want to work on my ability to at least control how I react to what I vividly recall. Here are a few ideas that tend to work for me when the visuals weigh heavily on my heart.
*I seek a cleansing image. A photo of a playful puppy, a memory of a fun time I had with my family, and a look for a pretty flower outside my window, can provide me with a focal point that will erase the sad or bad image.
*I find things to do. I might sweep, wash some dirty clothes, or hit the floor for some exercises. Whatever I do, it tends to be somewhat aerobic and not difficult to concentrate on. This is an important point. I don't get in the car and drive to errands when I'm feeling vulnerable to hard images. The images will grab my attention for a while and it is best to stay in a safe environment until my focus can be completely driven away from the hard stuff.
*I blank out. Think meditating, but with no rules or routines. My only goal when blanking out is to literally shut my mind off. Sometimes I get to so good at this, I fall asleep, so be careful not to try this when on the job or in the middle of something that needs you wide awake! It took me years to get good at this, so don't despair if you can't accomplish this the first few times you give it a try. To blank out, deprive yourself of all the sensory information you can. Close your eyes, put in earplugs, sit still, and seek 100% nothingness. Eventually, you'll get the hang of blanking out.
*I listen to my favorite music. In my case this tends to be Chris Issak http://www.chrisisaak.com/. Just hearing Issak's voice can help me concentrate on the stories his songs spin until the images in my mind come to a halt.
Images are powerful things. They can nourish you and deplete you. Learn how to control their power and use them to your benefit.
