The Power of Perspective

To say that what I wrote was a tirade suggests that there is some bitterness behind my words. You must provoke and instigate so many angry arguments that
your natural reaction would be to assume I was angry. Far from it. In fact, I would characterize my feelings during my response as more sanguine. I was quite
happy to have someone like yourself around as evidence of the sociopathic nature of certain enlightened "nice guys" - a point I've made for years. Rest
assured, I had a smile on my face the entire time. I still do. ;)

But I digress. As I suspected you would - you missed the point entirely. While I certainly believe in many of the viewpoints, politics, and perspectives of
feminists and feminism, the reason I responded has nothing to do with feminism. I simply used their words to illustrate a point.

My response comes from a masculist perspective - from the perspective of every guy that has to deal with the fall out resulting from the garbage guys like
yourself spew by objectifying women as stereotypically weak, powerless, and in need of saving. Each time you reinforce gender stereotypes, each time you
demonize male sexuality in terms of "jeers" and "stares" to be tolerated, each time you invoke God (through your auspicious evangelism, of course) as the
only path to freedom, radical feminists point to guys like you as evidence that the evil, oppressive patriarchy is alive and well. And normal, well-adjusted,
genuinely sensitive and altruistic men are left to clean up the mess.

Since you spent the majority of your response "qualifying" yourself - lets talk about qualifications, shall we?

- Feminist friends. Yup, I got em. Except, I generally look to them for more than validation of my beliefs. I believe that a good argument is healthy and
find it weak when someone has to depend on token sycophants to confirm their warped beliefs. I wonder if you have any token Jewish, Buddhist, politically
independent, centrist, moderate friends, as well? Cuz, you know, you don't want to be left out in the cold should one show up and challenge your nuttiness.
You need to be able to say, "Well, my independent, moderate, centrist, JuBu friends says I'm right, you're pathetic - so there!"

In short, anecdotal evidence is hardly proof that you're living in reality.

Post-feminist world? Uhm, last time I checked, feminism was alive and well. Ask your "feminist" friends.

Anyway, where were we? Oh yes, qualifications.

- CEO's, Politicians, Executives, Entertainers, Athletes, MD's and PhD’s - yup, got them too. In fact, I would gamble and say that most people in this
country and around the world know a lot of women with those job titles. What's your point? Oh yes! Marketing! What you did was called "associative"
marketing. Basically, you say that all these wonderful, successful people know you so you must have something legitimate, valid, and truthful to say. You
know - the old, "4 out of 5 dentists agree" thing. I could just as easily say, "I know 100 people that say landmines are good for your skin." - but that
doesn't make my claim valid. Pardon my skepticism, but I'm going to pretend that the people you know don't matter - because, in reality, they don't.

Incidentally, it would have been nice if you said you also knew women who were homemakers, waitresses, baristas, [insert any number of the plethora of less
powerful, yet equally dignified and important occupations here], etc. that could vouch for your character. Maybe recognizing some of your female
acquaintances who are addicts, mentally challenged, physically disfigured, unemployed, or financially destitute would have added some legitimacy to your
character. I guess their opinions of you don't matter. Or, I perhaps that wouldn't have had as much impact on your self-interest marketing plan. Too late
now. I guess we'll never know.

Ahhh, more qualifications! So you were there when the women in your life struggled night and day to make something of themselves - and THIS - is what makes
you an expert of the struggles women historically and presently face in the world. Like Moses and the apostles. I suppose the rest of us guys - you know, the
fathers, brothers, friends, uncles, teachers, bosses, mentors, counselors, therapists, rabbis, priests, pastors, doctors, nemeses, rivals, competitors, and
enemies - were all living under a rock while you were out witnessing this miracle of female perseverance and tenacity that you testify to now. Sir, lets be
fair, we've all been there - guys and girls - and we've all helped and/or stood in the way. Testifying about it - while at the same time degrading those
women and demonizing those men with your pompous, self-righteous rhetoric - is about as helpful and productive as masturbating with a cheese grater.

"Another fact is that I was raised by a single woman who endured everything I wrote about. I have hosted radio shows in NYC and have spoken at myriad of
community initiatives that have addressed this very topic with overwhelming support. " Even MORE qualifying!

Lemme tell ya - I'm sure your mother is/was a wonderful, strong, determined woman. How you managed to warp her rearing into selfish, prideful, hurtful,
sexist venom and why you would use her to qualify yourself as an enlightened, sensitive man is beyond me. I'm sure she would disagree with my
characterization of you. But, the fact remains - you're twisted, dude.

Read about "Not My Nigel" regarding a mother's reaction to a feminists accusation of sexism here:
http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2007/04/17/faq-what-do-you-mean-...

Boys have been left fatherless ever since the industrial revolution took their fathers away from farms where they were reared by both parents leaving them to
be reared almost exclusively by their mothers. A 50% divorce rate continues to leave boys all over the country without fathers. Unwed parenting is slowly
becoming the norm - if it isn't already. To suggest the struggles of you and your single mom somehow makes you special is arrogant at best.

But, since we're qualifying and comparing lives here - allow to introduce MY mom. She was born right after WWII where my grandfather lost 6 brother to the
Holocaust. The beginning of her life was spent in Lithuania on a farm where daily chores included everything from washing dishes, to home repair, to tending
gardens, to beheading chickens. Her mother was a college educated engineer and city planner. A characteristically abusive woman who beat her children
regularly, she was a trend-setter. She was feminist before her time - powerful, educated, and authoritarian.

My mother and her family moved to Israel where bombs fell regularly, women (including my mother) and men were conscripted in the army, and destruction or
death could come at any time. In 1967, she was huddled in a school protecting school children while bombs and missiles criss-crossed the sky during the 1967
War. She was a fighter and the fact that she was a woman struggling to survive was a non-issue in her life. She was happy. Maybe it's unhealthy to have a
mental vacuum where your gender identity should be. But, the fact is, she didn't have time to feel "oppressed". Beside, she didn't have to. Men and women
were working together to defend their country.

Fast-forward a few years. She and her family move to the U.S. and her mother passes away shortly after. She's in college and it's the late sixties and early
70s. The sexual revolution, civil rights and Vietnam are defining a culture. She's a fish out of water because she's supposed to be oppressed and the
government is supposed to be evil. Few can understand that the only oppression she felt was from her mother and former and current anti-Semitic/anti-Zionist
regimes. Few can comprehend that, up to that point in her life, the men in her life would have just as quickly taken a bullet for her as they would've made
love to her. The men in her life were her friends - her brothers - her equals. And she was theirs. The men in her life at that time were soldiers and
citizens trying to survive in a new, tenuous state. So was she. Their humility as warriors was matched only by their bravado as men. Their courage was
humbling and their lust was noble. Their sexual desire was something that was wanted. Chivalry meant a warm, safe place to lay one's head and a heartfelt
invitation to let one's femininity be fully realized. It wasn't an oppressive patriarchy to be demonized. As for the government, they had little desire to
oppress or disenfranchise. They had a country, people, and culture to protect. Other countries were trying to kill them. Moving from a hostile region that
had continuously sought to kill her to a country that had already established itself - in her mind - as one of power, heroism, protection, individual
freedom, and justice was heavenly. The fact that it's people saw their government as evil was confusing. Wasn't this the country that had freed her people
from concentration camps and fought to establish, after thousands of years, a home for her? Weren't its leaders, its men, to be honored and revered as
heroes?

A few years later she's married to a man from New York. Her mother passes away shortly after she has her first child. She has her second child and also the
beginnings of a cosmetics business. She always wanted to be a fashion designer. Her parents forced her into a degree in Hebrew Lit. Such is life. She had it
all. Life was good.

Then, her husband cheats on her. They go to therapy. He cheats on her again. Then a third time. Things start to fall apart. While trying to keep her family
together, depression sets in. Her business fails. His business fails. Her husband leaves. The depression intensifies and she can't work for over two years.
She tries desperately to make ends meet - borrowing money from friends and family. Food stamps. Her father blames her for her husband’s infidelity. Her
children drop out of school. One becomes an alcoholic, then the other. Drugs enter one of her child's lives they would relentlessly hold on for a dozen
years. Addiction. People blame her. She blames herself. Arguing. Fighting. Constantly. She struggles through her own addictive behavior. She battles with
mental illness for years. Things are looking grim.

Then it happens. She was always a leader and a fighter. A spark ignites a flame. The cloud of depression lifts, if only tentatively. She goes back to work.
Her children get their GEDs and go to college. Things are still a struggle, but self-pity and victimhood are replaced by determination. Regardless of what
people said to her, she never thought of herself as weak. She refuses to buy into a culture that glamorizes victimhood and self-righteousness. She's got a job
to do, a family to provide for, and no one will stand in her way. Why? Because oppression is in one's own mind. She knows this. She's a fighter. An equal.
Oppression isn't an option. Victimhood is not an option. She was a woman and a mother and there was no shame, indignity, or socio-economic "less-than" it
those roles.

She dates again - finally settling down with a man who would eventually become her companion and partner. He's stable and supportive. He finds her
attractive. She learns to trust again. Her son is still addicted, though. There is anger - even rage - between them. There are many tears and many fights. A
grandson comes into the picture - a bright spot in everyone's life. To her amazement, her addicted son finds and keeps sobriety. Another grandchild - this
time a granddaughter. The second son is still struggling with alcoholism, but she is hopeful. She has faith, again.

Why do I tell you all this? Why write about it in such detail to someone I've never met? What's the point? Well, I love my mom, of course. I like to talk
about her and her struggles - because they are also my own. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for her.

Throughout all of her struggles, she never once let someone suggest she was oppressed or weak. She never believed herself to be less competent then anyone
else - male or female. She never let one - or a thousand - bad experiences jade her into believing that any group of people were better or less than her. She
never forgot those people - those men AND women - who she fought with to survive. If any man ever jeered at her, she overcame it without resentment. If any
man stared at her, she felt it to be a compliment. If any man wanted her, they would have to stand in line. To suggest she is or was ever was weak is an
insult. To portray her struggles as more morally righteous or more worthy is to diminish her humility. It's also downright wrong. She has right-sized pride.

To tell her, because she's a woman, she needs more help then a man is to tell her the failures she overcame and the successes she managed are not hers to
own. To tell her that she is unable to manage her own womanhood is an insult. To say that her tears, anger, fear, confidence, self-doubt and joy were all pretend make-believe - is
an insult. To say that she must exceed ANOTHER'S expectations rather than her own is to take away everything she is - it's an insult and an attack. To tell
her that she can't contend with a man unless she thinks, acts, and behaves like a man - is an insult. All of this is an insult - not just to my mother - but
to all women, past, present, and future. It's also an insult to the men who believed in them. It's incongruent with reality, oppressive, and just plain
wrong.

You ask me a question. Are there different perspectives on the same topic? To answer that I point to two similar but more poignant questions asked not too long ago. “Are we the center of the universe?” And, “What do we do
with all these Jews, Negros, disabled, and gypsies?”

The first question was answered with ignorance and then ultimately acquiescence.

For the next question, for some, the answer was slavery or eugenics - genocide. That was THIER perspective. Fortunately, the victors of that war of perspectives had a different answer - human and civil rights. Can I imagine a world without the former's opinion? I'm essentially
living in it. Can I imagine the world without the latter opinion? I shudder to think about it.

My point is this: Much like the Church’s opinion on Galileo’s findings and much like the fate of Hitler and his Third Reich, I look forward to the day when your and similar opinions and perspectives on this matter no
longer resonate with anyone. I look forward to the day when men like you go away and no longer stand in the way of the self-actualization of all men and women. I long for the day when men
aren't demonized because of their desires. I look forward to the day when women no longer have to battle with the old, tired record that they need to meet or exceed
someone else's expectations to matter. I have faith that one day people - men and women - will realize that what they did, the roles they played, the
successes and failures they had, and the hopes and dreams that got them through each day were good enough - that they mattered - all along.

David Kaplan

P.S. One more qualification. I've also hosted a radio show. And, I've intimately spoken and continue to speak with countless men and women about this topic.
I've even been called a hero. Does that make me special? Hardly. People all over the world are releasing themselves from the shackles of extremism and
fundamentalism in favor of transcendence and balance. Women and men are stronger than you realize.